Close to heart.. far from arms...| Sasusaku

7. Nightmare

Nightmares.

The last time the blonde jinchūriki saw them would have been before becoming a genin, when the villagers looked down upon him, talking in hushed tones with a death glare directed towards him, and the colossal beast with bloodshot eyes, threatened to devour him from inside his head. After meeting his teacher, Iruka, someone he considered as close to him as his own father would have been, Sasuke, his eternal rival, best friend and a brother, Sakura, the girl he had feelings for, and Kakashi, their mentor and in some sense, guardian, the nightmares subsided deep beneath the joy of having people who acknowledged his presence without any signs of hate or fear.

He lied with his head facing up, staring at the ceiling of the inn they were taking shelter in. His present mentor and another man he considered precious — the pervy sage, Jiraiya — snored beside him, his drool hanging down his mouth.

Probably thinking about girls again.

Naruto scowled and fell back on his futon. The nightmares began when Sasuke left the village, his friends and his bonds behind as an aftermath of the curse mark, or maybe his own desires of revenge.

No, it's definitely the curse mark. Sasuke would never leave his friends for something like revenge if not for the curse mark.

After traveling with Jiraiya for almost a year, Naruto had long outgrown the Naruto he left behind in the battle with Sasuke. He had become stronger, intellectually, physically and skill-wise. His chakra control and knowledge of it, ninjutsu, genjutsu, taijutsu, and whatever else he remembered about a good shinobi had improved. Jiraiya focused on improving the boy's basic techniques before moving on to teaching him some new ones. But he still couldn't take away his weak point; ironically, his strengthened bonds.

It was for them he wasn't able to sleep most nights. The last nightmare he had was Orochimaru tearing his skin off to show a blood-sullied Sasuke, his eyes almost a hollow pit, his sharingan, lifeless. Some nights he dreamt of Sasuke being controlled by Orochimaru using threads attached to his body, killing his loved ones, himself being the one killed last.

No! He won't. Sasuke won't give in to bastards like Orochimaru. And if he does, I'll kick his ass as many times as it takes to knock some sense into his head. And then we will beat the shit out of Orochimaru as a team.

And he repeated that motivation each night he had a nightmare, hoping to face his best friend some day, with mutual care and respect.

***

Sasuke was familiar with nightmares like the back of his hands. They never left him in the wake of the massacre of his clan. But he was at least able to sleep peacefully when he was with his team. On some nights, he even dreamt of less terrifying things, possibly enjoyable too. He and Naruto sparring with each other, while he kicked the loser's ass, Sakura acting as a mediator which annoyed the shit out of him and then Kakashi stepping in, pulling the two boys by their shirts and jackets, while they scowled and showered curses on each other. It was the repetition of the day he experienced, but no matter how many times, he never grew bored with it.

This time, it was different. After changing the hideouts again, he was given a spacious room, not exactly airy, but at least with proper illumination. Though, it didn't help the nightmares he faced. He had almost forgotten — maybe repressed — his bonds and feelings for his comrades, but they still lingered somewhere in his minds, though not as much as the ones for his brother.

For the first time, they were not a part of the pleasant dreams, but the ones which terrified him. They almost felt real, too real to be dreams, as if he had already experienced them. Sasuke aiming a chidori towards all his comrades, first the blossom, then Kakashi and lastly the blonde, almost killing all three of them. He felt dizzy, as if something sinister clouded his mind. He dreamt of his brother's face, soaked with blood, and unlike he imagined it, he felt awful, almost guilty. Most nights, he couldn't sleep. And though his steel constitution and stoic nature didn't allow him to appear weak, he finally sought Orochimaru's help — advice — because help is a more pathetic word for that. No matter how disgusting the snake was, he was reliable in times of problems, and provided logical solutions whenever he faced difficulty in training, most of them involving his self-experimented medicines, which worked at times without any side effects. And as if taking a page from his past counselling sessions, the snake Sannin again stated those nightmares as merely him becoming strong enough to overpower his bonds with the village and his hatred strengthening itself. If he could dream about it, he could do it too, as Orochimaru said, which Sasuke was not too sure of for some reason.

He took a pill, one to make him dizzier so that he could sleep more easily, its only side-effects being his crankiness on waking up, which was already inborn. Thankfully, it's victim was Kabuto.

***

Nightmares became common in Sakura's daily timetable. Most nights, she cried herself to sleep, convincing herself to be strong, and still ended up walking with her heart tearing her chest apart, her breathing shallow, and her body drenched in sweat.

Snakes were never so frightening before and every long, thin, tube-like object didn't look like one before facing off against Orochimaru and Sasuke leaving the village.

While training with Tsunade, Sakura also researched on the Akatsuki, as Orochimaru was one of them at some point. Although, she was also trying to convince herself that she won't like him anymore, and that she would only chase him as a fellow leaf-shinobi and a friend, suppressing one's feelings took a lot more courage than expected.

And she felt pathetic after that. How could she like someone who was a lackey of an international criminal, one who intended to kill his own brother, one who left her without any afterthought? Honestly, she wasn't even certain if he ever thought of her once while or after leaving the village. He would have thought of Naruto, his best friend, or Kakashi, his mentor. But he would never have thought of her. Who even was she to him? Nothing more than a dead leaf, shed and forgotten.

***

Kakashi resumed his missions, being separated from his teammates, one out on a journey, another in the village going her own path and the last, turning into a rogue ninja. It was more painful than he imagined. The white-haired jounin was already burdened with so many guilts; guilt of looking down upon his dead father, of not being able to acknowledge his dead best friend as a friend, and of being the one responsible for the death of the only female member of his previous team, which was technically not his fault. His hand was soaked in more blood than he imagined, the images haunting him in his nightmares. He also felt guilty of the Uchiha massacre, as Itachi sought his advice the night before. Only if he would have given a better advice, all that would not have happened.

And then there was another that made it to his long list of guilts, Sasuke leaving the village. He felt responsible for the boy closest and most similar to him turning out this way. No matter how grumpy the brat was, he was too precious to Kakashi. Seeing him, Kakashi wondered if that was what having kids felt like.

But he still couldn't stop him, let alone save him. It was another one, a thing that terrified him in his sleep among the others. 

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Sorry for the boring chapter. But it was necessary to show how Sasuke leaving the village affected everyone's mentality. 

Thanks for reading!!!