Right Here (KTH)

Fucked Up

I woke up in my own bed the next day. The headache kept me from opening my eyes, but it didn't stop me from remembering Jin and his proposal yesterday. I groaned and tried to roll over, hoping I could go back to sleep and forget again, but something or someone was in my way.

I opened one eye and then closed it again. Oh yeah, Lisa had followed me back last night. We were both so drunk that it just made sense at the time. It was only when I registered typing on a keyboard that I thought about it twice, putting pieces together.

Shit.

I sat up, feeling dizzy briefly and then groaning again and holding my head. Drinking that much had been a mistake. Again.

"Good morning," Sowon said, voice clipped.

I winced. "Sowon," I said slowly. "I'm sorry. I was drunk. We both were and I just kinda forgot. I've had a lot on my mind."

I tried to reason, but I knew she was going to be mad anyway.

Our eyes met and she frowned at me for a long moment, then looked down at Lisa, then sighed and shook her head. "It's fine. I need to get over it anyway."

I yawned and put my feet on the ground. I went over to my desk drawer and fished out my ibuprofen. "You guys should really talk," I said. I took the pills with some left over water in a water bottle on my desk.

She nodded and looked at Lisa again. "I know."

I frowned. "Seriously, sorry, though. I'm sure that wasn't fun to wake up to."

She let out one huff of laughter, "It's not the worst thing."

"Right," I scrunched my nose. "Well, hey, you wanna hear about my shitty day yesterday?" I asked.

She closed her laptop. "I'm listening."

I grinned and dove into the Jin story. I figured if her and Lisa made up, she might get wind of it anyway. Besides, it wasn't like she was going near the frat house anytime soon. I did wince again as I realized that I told Jimin and Eunha both last night, but they could probably keep a secret. I'd probably get the wrath of Jimin at some point, though, because there was no way I was going to tell him when I ran into Jin again.

He wouldn't tell anyone, though. The only person I really didn't want to know was Taehyung, but he hadn't even text me the day before and after today Jin would be gone from my life forever if I could help it, so if I could hold out til then it wouldn't even matter.

"Huh," she said when I finished telling her.

"So, as someone whose cheated before, is this something you would ever do?" I asked with a hint of laughter. It was a terrible joke, but something about my headache made me not care.

She glared. "Not funny."

I held up my hands. "I'm feeling one step away from losing it. Humor me."

"I mean, no, no, and fuck no? I didn't cheat on Yoongi because I was confused. I cheated on him because I was already halfway out of the relationship and didn't care anymore. As you can imagine, our conversation at that stupid party didn't go well at all. Was it a shitty thing to do? Absolutely, but I wouldn't beg him to take me back even if I still wanted him. I made my bed and now," she gestured to her bed. "Well, you get it."

I nodded. "He's come back and claiming he's changed, but I don't even know."

"Well, do you have feelings for him still?" she asked point-blank.

I thought about it for a minute. "I... don't know. I mean I did love him. Do I still? I don't think so. I don't want to marry him, that's for sure."