weightless

D E T A C H

some days I'm just left feeling numb,
detached from myself,
I cannot seem to enjoy
any moments

and my mind is frantic
looking for the problem
the error in my programming

but my heart has given up
it only beats for the people around me
it beats out of guilt
and regret,
it beats to keep them happy

I give them a ghost of my smile
something to make them content
I smile and nod
attention is what they like

but something inside me,
is broken,
there's a fault in my coding

why do I feel like this,
so different from everyone
why do I feel so incomplete

and that's the only thing,
running through my mind,
'Why?'

why do my hands shake
at any given moment,
and my heart pounds,
so hard against my ribcage

and everything is blurry,
I can't distinguish
joy and pain,
I can't control my emotions.

and when I close my eyes,
all I see is demons,
out to get me,
outside the window,
behind my door,
inside my mind

demons,
of my own making,
dark shapes and shadows,
constantly feeding
on my paranoia,
my discomfort,
my unease.