Need You Now

Chapter XVI

I feel my body cripple down to the floor. Ash is still in surgery, and I feel myself trembling to the point where I might fall apart. Tears pool around me. I don't care that half the hospital is staring at me. The love of my life. Could die today. Do you know how terrifying that is? I CAN'T LOSE HER. She keeps me sane. She keeps me from falling apart. But right now? I'm being held together by tape and glue. A nurse attempts to help me up off the ground. I hear her say 'Please sir-'. But that's all I hear. Everything sounds like I'm under water. Like I'm drowning. My eyes clench shut. My hands tremble too much for me to ball them into fists, they shake as I curl around myself on the ground. I know I look ridiculous. I know I look like I belong in an institute. Nurses and patients staring like I'm a werewolf forming. Like I'm a scary trick at the circus. But it's not like I can control it. I don't have control. I am not in control. I just need her to make it. If she doesn't? I don't know what would happen to me. It's pathetic. I know. The only thing holding me together is one single person. I was never like this until I met her and realized...I couldn't live without her. I realize I'm able to move my own legs. I shakily attempt to stand and sit down on the chair. After I'm successful I turn my gaze to the nurse. I choke out the words 'I-I'm S-S-Sorry'. I lean my head against the wall. Letting out an unsteady breath. I wince, pain flooding my chest. Coming to the realization that I was just in the middle of a panic attack. I need her right now. I know that seems selfish because she's the one in surgery but...it's hard on me too...I know she'd understand that...I hope. My mind wanders. I can't keep it in one place. I can't think about one thing. My leg shakes, I place my hand on my knee in an attempt to stop it. My mind rushes like a hurricane...I just want her to be okay. I am so pathetic. I'm helpless without her by my side. My whole body brightens and I shakily sit up as doctors bring a gurney into the room. There she is. She's alive...TO BE CONTINUED **