Drowning in Memories

One

I saw my blood dripping over my flow and my eyes started to fall, I let myself succumb in darkness.

"What do you want to eat honey?" mom asked me as soon as I sat in my seat. She is preparing my dad's food.

"Whatever you make mommy, I'll eat it." I said and looked at my dad who is now reading a newspaper.

"Dad, Can I read that too?" I asked him and he folded the newspaper onto two and motioned his hand for me to come near him and I did. He kissed me in my cheeks and I made a disgusted face.

"Dad, your saliva sticks on my face." I said and pointed at my cheeks as I felt that it became wet when he kissed me. He laughs before saying "Why do you want to read that?"

"Well, I'm curious you always read the same paper every day." I answered.

"No, it's not the same newspaper honey." He said. I grab the paper on the table using my small fingers.

"Look, it's the same paper." I said and it made him laugh.

"Why're you laughing?" I said and pouted my thin lips.

"Stop, making fun of your daughter." I heard mom's voice, she was still in the kitchen preparing my breakfast.

"It's called Daily newspaper, it is printed in the same paper but these words are different from yesterday." he said as he pointed to the letters.

"Ow, Is that it?" I asked him with my wondering eyes.

"Yeah."

"Dad, I want to become a writer." I said and showed my brightest smile in front of him. I saw shock in his face.

"And why'd you want to become a writer?" he asked.

"So, you will read everything I will write, like how you read this." I said and pointed at the newspaper. He giggled and called my mom.

"Honey, did you hear that?" my mom went near us and kissed me on my hair.

"Even if you're not a writer, we will always read anything that you will write."

"Really, even I became a model?" a said. They said yes and we continued our morning conversation.

"Look at her baby? Do you see this?" he said and pointed his name on the newspaper.

"Yes, why?"

"Is that all your reaction? Really?" he said while laughing.

"Yeah?"

"That's your father's name."

"I know, I can read it."

"and it means that I am what." He asked, I think. And mom and him are waiting for my answer. After a minute I figured it out.

"Oh my god! Is that your line of work?" I asked in a high pitch tone, he nodded and I shrieked in his lap and hugged him tight. I hear they're laughing at my reaction.

"You're a writer, I can't believe it."

"A journalist to be exact honey." My mother said. I hugged them as tight as I could.

"Then, I will become a journalist too, like dad. Is it possible mom?"

"Of course, anything in this world is possible." She said and gave me a reassuring smile. I stared at their faces, but after a second it became blurry.

No. No. Don't leave me. Stay. I said stay.

I jolted from my bed, tears falling down from my eyes and I couldn't stop it. Again.

I felt my wrist throbbing, I lifted my hand to see a dried liquid on it. I just stare at it. I decided to stand up to grab some beer from my fridge that I bought a while ago. But as soon as I stood on my two feet my butt landed on the floor. Argh. I looked at the red liquid that spilled on my floor. That a shit. I slipped in my own blood how funny.

I slowly stand up and make sure that I wouldn't slip for the second time. I grabbed three cans of beer and the box of pizza. Well, I still have two slices of it, enough to shut my stomach from growling. I put the two slices of pizza inside of my microwave and set an alarm on it. I tried to open my beer in my own hand but I cannot because of the wound that I did earlier. I grabbed the can opener and used it. I heard the 'popped' sound and bubbles started to come out and it dripped over my wound, I quickly released the can from my grip. Oh, it's startled me. Another mess to clean. I said to myself and sighed. I was about to grab a cleaning material but I heard the 'ding' sound of my microwave, I looked at my floor. "You can wait right?" I talked to the spilled beer as if it could answer me. Silly. I grabbed my pizza and grabbed the beer and opened it and quickly took a sip. This is nice. I took a bite of my pizza and sip a beer until I consumed all of my beer in my fridge. Shit. I need to buy more beer again for tomorrow. I put my head on the table and stared at my wound. Actually, it's just healed a couple of days but I slit it again since I cannot sleep.

Yes, I can't sleep without pain, I have two choices. It's either I will slit any part of my body or drown myself from alcohol. Well, drowning myself in alcohol it is just my second option actually. It started when my parents died in an accident caused by me. If I just hadn't requested that we should go on a trip that day. Maybe they're still breathing. Yeah, it's my fault. It really is. My eyes darted in the lid of the can. I slowly reach for it, then slowly slit my wound again and it's started to bleed. The blood keeps flowing like water, I like how pain crosses my body. My eyes started to fall again. But a loud knock disturbed my addiction. I didn't bother to look at whoever that was. But the knock became louder and louder and I was afraid that my neighbor complained to the landlord of this apartment, so I stood and went to my door, I let my blood drip over the floor. I open my door just to see a man wearing a grey suit. His hair is in chaos, his neck tie isn't properly attached and the three-upper button of his sleeves is missing. He's holding a bottle of alcohol on his left hand. What's wrong with this guy? I slowly lift my head to see his face and say that he is probably lost, because I didn't know him. But he stopped me when he suddenly claimed my lips, my eyes widened in shock, I stepped back and that made him enter inside and locked the door behind him. No. way. Is he a rapist?

I felt his lips move, he started kissing me hungrily like he was a hungry baby, I pushed him but my strength was not enough, I heard the bottle thud on the floor. He holds my face using his both hands and keeps kissing me, then I felt his body against mine and for some reason I felt something throb down there. I am losing my breath and it seems he notices it. He stopped from kissing me and pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes are still closed and breathing hardly, he slowly opened his eyes and I saw his sky-blue orbs, it's like a sea.

"I found you."