𝐻𝒶𝒾𝓀𝓎𝓊𝓊 𝓍 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝒪𝓃𝑒 𝒮𝒽𝑜𝓉𝓈

001 | Kōshi Sugawara

This chapter is revised!
-
cw : fem!reader, fluff, art frustration
wc : 1.8k

Once again, the paper was scattered with useless and chaotic drawings. It had seemed to be as if my brain couldn't handle anymore pathetic scribbles.

The frustration grew in my head as I tore another piece of paper up and groaned loudly.

It's simple really, art is supposed to make you feel relaxed and at one with what you're making. It's something to release the feelings and emotions you have into something that explains you.

Well this wasn't the case with me.

I haven't had a good crumb of inspiration for the past two weeks. As an artist, that can put a lot of pressure on you when you draw almost every day.

Especially when I have so many expectations that I've set for myself and I'm not even managing to reach them.

There were so many ideas swarming in my head but I just couldn't put it on paper. It would come out as something not even definite, which is so not the look I was going for with this piece.

Taking a deep breath, I set up a new sheet and paused. I tried to differentiate an idea with how well I could get that idea on this page without frustrating myself again.

My hands started marking on the page with a very simple sketches. I, unfortunately, erased those lines upon lines frequently. Feeling my anxiety getting the better of me as I really wanted to draw but couldn't.

It was getting to the point of hopelessness for me. My tiny sketches here and there, they always started out small. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes as it wasn't going the way I wanted it to, just like the other fifty million times.

I couldn't see a good clear idea in my head to form what I wanted to express on the page.

My emotions started bubbling up inside me like a wild fire. Irritation was overcoming me and my hands were shaking with a burning need to get something on this damn paper. It was so bad to the point where I couldn't even draw anymore.

Defeated, I let out a shaky breath that I'd been holding in. I took the paper and crumbled it up once again. I desperately wanted to throw a fit and scream like a toddler. This wasn't working out like it's supposed to.

Art is something I've always been good at, I don't know why this is happening to me now.

I banged my head on the canvas stand, practically begging for some inspiration to help me.

Finally, I had just let go of the salty tears that were bundled in my eyes as I released a quiet sob. This was so frustrating.

Sliding down the wall to sit, I sobbed on the floor. Was it too much to ask to simply draw good?

This has been the only thing I've been good at since I was little, the amount of time I've put into trying to better myself and art style feels like it's for nothing.

A soft knock sounded throughout my room from my door which followed with my bedroom door being opened.

I had guessed it was my mom since she's been the one to see me like this for almost two weeks now. Sighing with my face in my hands, I waited for the sound of her footsteps to leave my room.