Still Fucked Up .

If I Wasn't Me

A'stari Amerie

I stood on the block as i watched the little kids run and play, i remember back when that was me and es running down our block chasing each other tryna see who would get home first. I remember spinning the block with my cousins just to see niggas run down the street in fear of us, as much as i missed this wicked city it ain't bring me shit but pain and old ass memories. It was something about what heaven said to me that had me stuck i never thought my cousin would do some shit like that to me, i was in denial about anybody i loved whether it was my peoples or my friends for them niggas i wouldn't dare believe they would cross me. But my cousin was a grimy nigga i can't even lie to you and if heaven was right about how he was tryna trick me out my money then that nigga dead i swear, i wouldn't just kill him right off back though, i wanna run that nigga dry first ya feel me? I'm finna take every dime he think he getting out of me and my shit.

"Say cuzzo what you doin out hea" Jimmy said he stepped out the porch with a blunt in his mouth, i swear i just wanted to knock this nigga clean tf out.

"Nothing just out here chilling had to get a break from my girl" i said telling half of the truth she been on some freak shit lately i liked it but my head been on this shit with jimmy.

"Oh damn yo old lady got ya running" he joked laughing as i thought of all the wicked ways i could end this nigga life right here and right now.

"Yea you know how that shit go boy" i said as i sparked my own blunt watching the smoke leave my mouth, i dont know what im gonna do this what a million dollar plan if i move sloppy it could cause me the money and everything else i got, i gotta work with es on this one.

"Yea i do yo ass should've been here when my crazy ass baby mama was over here trippin the other day, funky bitch had my son out here bumming i pay child support every month ain't no mf way" he said shaking his head as some people started to walk down the block i seen him clutch his gun but i stopped him shaking my head.

"Nigga not right now its kids out hea boy" i said looking at this nigga like he dumb this nigga was bout to shoot somebody in broad day light in front of all these kids.

"Shit i aint even see they lil bad asses" he said putting the gun back under the chair he was sitting under.

"You cant just shoot innocent people any damn way" i told him as i sat back watching everybody on the block just observing them, he had people on every corner watching as if somebody was gonna come blast they ass but as much grimy shit these niggas do on a daily I wouldn't be surprised if somebody come shot at us right now, jimmy was hated by a lot of people because it was stupid and a bitch ass nigga.

"Yea you right but you can't never be to sure mfs not finna take me out on my own mf porch" he said shaking his head puffing the black he just lit.

"Sure about that" I mumbled I wanted this nigga head on a stick, literally fuck him being blood his mama a snake ass bitch too, put my mama through so much shit when I was a kid I'll smoke that crack headed bitch if she got a problem.

"Yurrr what's the move" he yelled across the street to my nigga lil tony he was always on my side right or wrong he was more of cousin to me than jimmy bitch ass was that fat bitch only thought of himself but tony looked out for me and made sure I was straight every chance he got, he was more like my brother and I had talked him on the way over here to let him know that I was plotting to take jimmy out soon and of course this nigga was stepping behind me.

"Not shit what y'all got going over here" tony said walking up on the porch cheesing dapping me and jimmy up I chuckled at how fake this nigga was but he was like my big brother and I love him like my mama had him.