My dear, death wish

My Bad(14)

I toss and turn in my bed all night.

"Mama"

Then I quickly burst from bed, like I wasn't even sleep.

I look at the clock on my phone "11:24" I say out of breathe. I look at my hand. The number she'd written in her red lipstick still resides there.

I looked down my body. Look over how I'm still in my dress and shoes from dinner. I must've just blacked out.

I shake the thoughts and fumble with my phone to dial the number she gave me.

It rings 3 times.

"Fallon?"
I gasp in air at the sound of her voice. I literally still can't believe this is my reality. My mother is living, and answering the phone for me.

"Mommy..." I say tears stinging my cheeks. I didn't even try to hide them. I couldn't.

"Fally baby, please don't cry, I'm okay baby! I promise."

What is with us and making promises? To others, ourselves. It's too permanent. When everything is temporary.

"Mama, does he hurt you?"
"Who?" She ask genuinely confused.

"That mother fu- I mean" I tighten up as I hear her clear her throat.

"Alfonso."
"Oh no baby, he doesn't. He's actually...sweet to me."

I hold the phone. Their was a long silence on both our parts. That bastard has got my pour mother brainwashed. To where she thinks he is sweet.

"Fallon? You there baby?"
"Yes mama I'm here, I'm here. Did I hear you say he's sweet?"
"Well, Uh yeah, he-"
"Tore our family apart? He's the reason I've went- y'know what. None of that matters. Like I said mama. I'm gonna get you outta there."

She does a deep heavy sigh. My heart sank at the sound.

"Fallon, listen honey, I can't leave. As much as I would love for us to be together. Things are a lot safer with us apart. Do you understand baby. Please tell me you understand me. Let me hear you say it."

'Let me hear you say it'
'Let me hear you say it'
'Let me hear you say it'
'Let me hear you say it'

Those words rung though my ears. Like I was that 5 year old little girl again. Thinking back to that last very distinct memory I had with my ear held to my teachers phone. And my mother speaking those same words to me into my untainted ears.

The true meaning and message behind those words I wouldn't actually realize until years after. Until I gained more wisdom.

"Yes mama. I do. I understand."

"Good. And baby. Before I let you go. I carried you for nine months. You truly know me from inside out. You know your mama, don't second guess it. Okay?"
"Yes mama. I love you."
"I love you more. Night babe."

She ends the call. I lay my head back on the couch.

"I'm getting her the fuck outta there. I will make you beg for mercy Alfonso."

One thing I knew about my mother is that her code speaking was very distinct to me. Everything she said clicked.

No way she'd call the man who killed her husband and made her child traumatized 'sweet' doesn't add up.

I glance back at the clock and notice I'd been sitting there just thinking for an hour. I knew I had to be up in some time to get back to Mr. Antonio. I really didn't want to be bothered with him.