𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

if i could tell her

pairing: bucky x Reader

words: 2,393(with song lyrics), 2,300(without song lyrics)

warnings: LaNgUaGe, a little baby bit of angst, fluff, and soft!bucky

summary: y/n tried to move on after the events of infinity war.

He thought you were awesome

He thought I was awesome? My brother?

Definitely!

You sat in the compound with Nat in silence. Grieving over Chinese food together had become a norm over the past five years. Ever since the snap, losing your teammates and half of the universe had taken a toll on your friendship. You two worked in tandem together still, but there was always that tension in the air, the elephant in the room. Neither of you addressed the "blip" unless you were on a call with the remaining heroes. Five years later, and you two still have trouble speaking about it.

Quiet footsteps approached letting you know that Steve had arrived. You looked up, and there was your blue-eyed friend, leaning against the doorway, lips turned up in a small smile.

"Chinese food again?" He walked over and sat next to Natasha to grab a plate. "Everytime I come over here you two are sitting at the table eating Chinese takeout without speaking to each other. Natasha, get your feet off the table."

Both of you smiled at this. "Okay, dad." She snarkily responded. Those were the first words she had said all day. Of course Steve could get her to talk. Whenever he came to visit, he was always the one to break the quiet. To get you to smile. Three of you sat and chatted a bit about your days, until there was nothing left to say. Silence heavy in the air, Natasha set her plate down on the table. "I'm going to my room to work on some stuff. I'll be gone for a bit." She put her hand on your shoulder and left.

"We're both aware that that's code for her going to track Barton down, right?" You sighed heavily and nodded. He knew that she was spending any free time she had trying to find her best friend, but whenever she did find him, she would look at what he'd done and decided to leave it. Clint was grieving too. Natasha had been very reserved, and though the two of you were still close, the distance between her and everyone else seemed farther than ever.

You respected Natasha's privacy and solitude, but sometimes you really need to talk to her. Much like Natasha, the Avengers were the only family you had, and you had lost them. You had survived and they hadn't. Feelings were always bubbling in the pit of your stomach, but you had no way to express them. Exhaustion had kept you from your tears, but now that Steve was here, you broke down.

"She needs to grieve." You took a long breath. "And so do I, frankly. Because everyone's gone now Steve. There's nothing left to fucking do. We have no leads about where they may have gone, or what the hell happened! Nothing is in our control anymore. There's nothing left for us." After your small outburst, the two of you sat in silence, hot tears trailing down your face.

"He loved you too, you know." You looked up, red rimmed eyes, staring at him imploringly. "Bucky."

Bucky. The one person that you had felt strongly towards. God, you wished you had just told him when you had the chance. But you let him walk off into battle before you could say anything.

You remembered the first time you saw the blue-eyed man. Clint had rushed you and Wanda out of the compound, exclaiming that Steve needed your help. Your friend had literally just thrown her boyfriend(?) through the ground, and everything about it seemed very illegal. Tony had told the two of you to stay inside the compound, but if Cap needed you, you went. After a fun journey to San Francisco to pick up Scott, the four of you found yourselves in a white van, traveling to an airport in Germany.