Be Mine

four: "we're all going to ocean city!"

For the next few days I've been sitting in my room and leaving only to go to the bathroom or to eat something. I just needed to be alone. That's been happening from time to time. I've been struggling with trying to figure myself out - I preferred being alone but at the same time I craved company. I was battling with what I needed and what I wanted.

My mother on the other hand couldn't stand my behavior. She'd come to my room and force a conversation. Was it so difficult to understand that I felt good alone? Or did I? It was one of many questions I didn't have a prepared answer for. I've always been somewhere in between. It's as if I had a switch in my brain - I could be social if I wanted and I'd feel great having fun but I also didn't mind listening to music all day or watching movies and reading books. Sometimes I wondered if there were two people living in me and arguing about my next move.

I lied on my bed and got surprised when I caught myself thinking about Sebastian. I couldn't take my mind off him. I had such a great time with Nate, why couldn't he take up all of my thoughts.

I didn't understand why I was so moved by what happened, or more specifically, what could've happened back in Sebastian's bedroom. It was all a tease. He had Alice waiting for him so why bother with me. I felt embarrassed that something so small had an impact on me. Embarrassed, but not surprised; even though I had male friends back when I lived in Philadelphia but tried to get their attention, they never seemed interested.

I stared at the ceiling when a sound of a text made me quaver.

Gina: Hi, are you alive?

I put my phone away and covered my face with a pillow. It was one of the days I didn't want to be disturbed; I wanted to finish reading my book and sleep all day.

Me: Yeah I'm fine.

Gina: Wanna meet?

Me: With you and all your friends? I'll pass, sorry.

I wrote that even though deep down I really wanted to see them again. They seemed to be so different from people I used to know. Something deep inside me pulled me to them.

Gina: How about just me? Coffee?

I thought about it for a while. I mean out of all of them Gina seemed to be genuinely nice.

Me: Starbucks at the mall at two pm?

Gina: Great, see you there.

I rolled out of bed and started getting ready. It was cold and cloudy outside so I decided to wear a sweater with my usual set of black skinny jeans and black shoes. My closet consisted mostly of black clothes. There was occasionally a dark blue or a white one. I figured that wearing only one color would make the cruel process of getting ready in the morning easier.

My mom has already gone to work so I closed the house, got my bike and rode to the mall.

When I arrived, I parked my bike and went inside. It took me a while to find Starbucks even though I looked up the exact location on the floor plan. Gina was already there, sitting on a very comfortable-looking armchair. She stood up and waved to me when she saw me. I smiled and took a seat in front of her.

"Hi," we both said basically at the same time.

"I ordered us lattes and and cheesecake."

"Um, great. Thanks."

"So, you've been silent for the past few days," Gina leaned back on her chair.

"Yeah, nothing new, I guess," I laughed softly.

"I was worried that you maybe got upset after what happened at Laura's."

"What? No. I mean, you should know best because you were the one that spread my address," I said with a funny voice.

"Listen," she bursted into laughter. "He was very desperate. You should've seen his face when he was literally begging me to tell him where to live."

I giggled.

"He also said that you haven't been replying to any of his texts."

She was right. He would send me messages in the morning wishing me a good day and then in the evening wishing me a good night. I wanted to text him back but at the same time I felt like I didn't know him well. He was too straight forward during the last minutes of our date. I didn't want him to think that I didn't like him, I did, but his actions were out of place. Well, more like out of time because if he did the same thing a week or two in our time of knowing each other then it wouldn't feel so... wrong? Weird?

"Yeah, I will text him back as soon as I get home," I assured her and she smiled.

She insisted that I told her everything about our date. Gina looked at me as if I was an enchanted painting letting 'wow' slip her lips from time to time.

"Can't blame them, boys are stupid most of the time, right?" she commented when I told her that Nate almost kissed me and the way it made me uncomfortable later.

"Yeah, they are," I agreed.

After a few minutes our order was brought to us.

I wanted to draw attention from me a little. I had one question going through my mind all the time. It was intensifying whenever I thought about Sebastian, which happened to be more than I wanted.

"I noticed that Alice and Sebastian have a very-" I paused for a second to find a fitting word. "peculiar relationship. What's that all about?"

"Honestly? Right now I have no idea." Her answer shocked me. They were best friends so she, out of all other people, should be the first to know. "They're kinda... dating in some way," she continued. "I hate to say dating because you saw what happened."

I knew exactly what she was talking about. She was mentioning the moment Alice kissed Nate.

"Sebastian goes to college in New York, it's a three hour drive from here, so they only see each other during breaks or whenever he decides to come back home," Gina takes a sip of her coffee. "I think that they tried to make it work somehow but from what I heard from Laura, he likes to have a lot of fun in college. I think we don't have to go into any details," we both laughed. "I like you," she claimed.

I gave her a warm smile. I felt the same way about her. I was hoping that we could become good friends.

Gina suddenly looked past me and her eyes opened wide. "You might not have to text Nate back."

I turned my head and saw him and Sebastian walking out way.

"Nate? Sebastian? What you're doing here guys?" Gina asked.

I didn't know how to greet Nate so I just hugged him.

"Hi," I said to Sebastian but he didn't seem to acknowledge me.

"We were just passing by," Nate answered.

"Sorry," Gina's phone rang and she went aside.

"Hey, Becky."

I tried to ignore his voice. I wasn't ready for a confrontation.

"Listen," he continued. "I'm sorry if I scared you off that night... I didn't mean to do anything wrong."

"I know," I nodded. "You just caught me off guard."

"Yeah, I realized that after you ran out of my car," he laughed nervously.

"Let's just start over," I smiled and he smiled back.

"What you're drinking there? You betrayed me!" he pointed at my coffee cup and I instantly remember the coffee shop we went to.

I laughed and he joined me; Sebastian just stood awkwardly with hands in his pockets.

"Guys!!!" Gina said overly excited. "Laura just called and we're all going to Ocean City!"

*****

Hiiiii!

I decided to post more frequently and to upload between 1-3 chapters at one time!

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