SPOILT ROYALS | JAEYONG NCT

21: Letters And Dungeons

Taeyong ignored the whispers as he took the walk of shame out of the Prince's room that early morning, hair dishevelled, shirt backwards and an array of hickeys blooming on the milky white skin of his neck. Despite this, Taeyong wasn't actually ashamed, even if he maybe should've been from the way the other workers were whispering about him being some sort of personal whore - he didn't really care and he supposed that might've been a character flaw of his, his lack of shamefulness.

Sure, it looked like he'd been bitten and scratched by a tiger and was limping like he was constipated, but he wasn't the only one with marks on his body either. He flushed at the thought of the nail marks he'd scratched on Jaehyun's broad chest the night before. He wasn't the only one who could be territorial and possessive, and finding out he had that side was kind of unsettling, but it was with Jaehyun so it was fine - Jaehyun who very reluctantly (as in Taeyong had to threaten abstinence for a month) let him leave the room.

They had already missed breakfast time and Taeyong was sure the Prince would probably be getting ready to have a word with his father now as he himself opened up the door to his own chambers. Not to his surprise, it was empty, both of his roommates gone and Taeyong prayed that Donghyuck was at least somewhere in the palace for once. Only God knew where he was disappearing to at the worst of times. Or maybe he would be with Prince Johnny who had arrived with Jaehyun the day before. Taeyong didn't mull too much over it as he trudged over to his table after locking the door. He needed some privacy for what he was about to do.

As much as he had enjoyed the previous day's turn of events (very, thoroughly, wonderfully enjoyed), it didn't go as planned at all. Taeyong was frustrated with himself for not making room to speak, for not doing what he had promised himself to do. Grabbing a piece of parchment paper and a feathered pen, he sighed to himself, closing his eyes. If he couldn't be honest out loud, he could be honest on paper.

Taeyong drummed his fingers along the sheet, thinking of where exactly to begin with his letter and in reality, and somewhere deep, deep down, he knew he didn't need to think, he knew very well that he was procrastinating. The beginning was simple and straightforward but at he hovered his pen above the paper staring back at him, he wished it could write itself. He didn't want to have to relive the painful memories, he didn't want to have to think of being threatened by a despicable king, he didn't want to have to think about Haein, Sir Doyoung, himself. Himself. This was not just for Jaehyun, this was a confrontation to himself.

With bated breath, Taeyong eyed the paper momentarily before inhaling and placing the pen down. The ink soaked into the paper, spreading in a blotted circle over the area, and had half the mind to discard the sheet and try again some other time, fresher pages, less drippy pen, but at the end of the day, he knew those were all excuses, a way to push off the overwhelming inevitable. And as daunting as it was, Taeyong put his pen to paper and began to write.

He wrote about his family first, two lines for each, one about his little brother, Jeno, in training to be a knight. Then about his mother who was old and running a bakery by herself, trying to make ends meet with her crooked back and blistered fingers. He started with the easy stuff, things that reminded him of home - wherever home was now. Then it turned ugly. He wrote about King Lee and his threats, he wrote about Haein and their journey to the Jung kingdom, he even wrote about Prince Jaehyun himself and about how he found him such an annoying (lovable prick), about Naeun, encounters with Sir Doyoung, even about Prince Mark Lee's questionable innocence in it all.

He then wrote about himself and that... that was the hardest part of all because it confirmed what he already knew - he didn't deserve Jaehyun. He hadn't deserved to be with him from the beginning and despite knowing the dangers, the possible and inescapable heartbreak, he dove in headfirst and couldn't stop himself from falling even if he tried. But the thing was, he chose not to try, he chose not to stop himself from slipping over that uncertain edge because Taeyong was selfish and he was a coward but he was all those things and in love. The realisation wasn't a slap to the face, it wasn't surprising, and it didn't make his jaw drop because it was something he had known all along.