No Longer Euphoria | Nate Jacobs

Part 11

*Trigger warning - suicide themes, drug use and mature content*

"Good morning sweetie" my dad chirps at me. I struggle to want to open my eyes but suddenly the curtains are pulled back and the sunlight doesn't give me a choice. "Morning" I sleepily say. "I have some good news darling, your mother is okay. She's woken up from the coma early this morning and the doctors have said that she will recover but she does have some liver damage" he says. I sigh a breath of relief, liver damage is one of the better outcomes of a dim situation. "I got so worried" I say blankly. Dad looks at me with understanding eyes. "Alright so it's 10am, I let you have a sleep in. I'll give you 30 minutes and then we're leaving to go visit your mother" he says. "Okay no worries, I'll get ready" I reply.

I essentially leap out of bed and make my way into the shower. Once dressed, I skip down the stairs and see dad waiting in the kitchen. "Ready to go pumpkin?" He says. "Sure am" I reply. We hop into the car and make our way to the hospital. "Hey dad" I say. "Yes love" he replies. "Why do you think mum did what she did?" I ask. He pauses, his face loses life... loses colour. "Cassie I'm going to give you a painfully honest answer. I don't think your mother is very happy with her life. I think she is quiet and bottles things up, and doesn't want to burden those around her. I think she is unhappy with her marriage to me. Cassie I'm going to admit something that you probably already know, but I have a gambling issue. I have for a while now, and because of it... well because of it our family dynamic has changed. We are unable to afford things we once wouldn't have to worry about. We skimp, and I think that affects your mother as she isn't living the lifestyle she's accustomed to. I just want to apologise, I'm so so sorry. I feel responsible for this. I wish I wasn't the way I am, and I'm trying not to be...but it's hard" he says honestly.

I'm torn. I think dad definitely plays a part in why my mother did this to herself, but I think I also do too. I'm terrible to her sometimes, I use her quietness to my advantage and I ignore her. I love her with my whole heart but I worry she also put this upon herself as she has never left her comfort zone and hence is why she is so quiet and tolerates a lot of shit. When you're young, you think your parents are perfect. You think that they have their shit sorted out and they don't have many personality issues. As you grow up, you realise that no matter what age you get to, you still have no fucking clue. There are habits that no amount of years can seem to kick, you still have terrible personality traits, poor saving skills etc. The worst part is the older you get, the less likely you are to change. I mean you've been living that way for so many years, you become comfortable with the shitty parts of yourself. You end up not caring as much, you're going to die soon anyway, why put yourself through the difficulty of changing? This is why I don't think anything will change. Especially with my father and his gambling addiction, or with my mother and her habit of staying quiet even when she wants to fight back... because people continue the cycle. They sit there complaining and never change, and if they do, they revert back to old ways either quickly or slowly. Either way we're all fucked in one way or another. What is on the forefront of my mind is what changed within my mother that caused her to feel as though she needed to do this to herself? Why she felt she needed to leave the earth and leave me and dad behind. Am I that terrible as a daughter? Am I that easy to leave? My relief of my mother's survival slowly dissipates into anger and a lack of sympathy. She was willing to do this to herself, and to me and dad, so why should I care?

Without thinking about whether these thoughts are irrational or not I suddenly raise my voice to my dad and say "pull over". He looks at me seriously and says "are you okay!?". "I'm fine, I don't want to see mum anymore" I reply angrily. "What? Cassie? Are you insane?" He says. "I said PULL OVER" I yell. He swerves onto the side of the road and get out instantly. "Tell mum I said hi" I yell. Dad reluctantly drives off and I begin to walk to the house of the one person that will chemically change my mood, the local dealer I heard about from Rue... Fez.

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I knock on the door loudly, and seconds later it cracks open. "Yo, what can I do for you" he says. "Hey yeah I'm looking for something that'll cheer me up right now and something for a party tonight" I say. I mean, I'm here... I may as well get something for tonight too. "No worries, come inside and I'll sort you out" he says. As I walk in, I see bags and canisters if pretty much every drug under the sun, as well as stacks of cash lying around. I take a seat on the couch and Fez puts a small bag of weed on the table and another small bag with one MDMA pill in it. The weed is on me, but the pill will be $30. I pull out cash and hand it to him. "Cheers" I say. "Yo what's your name? I don't recognise you, you new here or something?" He asks. "My name is Cassie, and yeah I moved from the city recently" I say. "Ahh yeah" he says. "Hey you got any blunt papers in here?" I ask. "Yeah I do, here take one" he says. "Thank you" I say. I roll the blunt and take a hit. "That's some good shit" I say. I don't really know what I'm talking about, in fact I've only smoked weed once and had only had a puff. It burned so bad, I couldn't have another one. It doesn't burn as much this time, probably helps that at every party I go to, I end up having at least 2 cigarettes. It's a bad habit but when your drunk, the head spins you get are so good.

I quickly finish the blunt... probably too quickly. I feel high as fuck and I think Fez notices this as he says "You got anyone to pick you up?". I think about that for a second, and before I can stop myself, I reach for my phone and dial Nate's number. "Hey, can you pick me up for Fez's, I'm high right now" I say and before he can argue, I hang up. "He's on his way" I say to fez.

About 15 minutes later, we hear a knock at the door. "I guess that's my uber" I laugh. Fez opens the door to an enraged Nate. His face is so red it looks like he's about to burst a blood vessel. "Get the fuck in my Ute Cassie" he spits. I knew kind Nate wasn't going to last very long. I giggle at him and walk to his Ute while he closely follows. "You're such a stupid whore Cassie, getting high at Fez's? You know what kind of girls do that Cassie? Sluts. Sluts do. I bet he shouted you whatever you've taken right?" He says. I roll my eyes and put the seat right back so I'm lying down, and I start to giggle. I can hear Nate talking but I begin to zone out, not listening to the most likely repulsive things come out of his mouth. I slowly, but surely fall asleep.

Hey guys :) if you could please leave some feedback or vote that would be super helpful! I'm not sure if my writing is good or if you feel like the story is building nicely? I'd love to know because I really want to write the best story for you :) I'm aiming for 5 votes or comments before I continue the next chapter so I can focus on feedback! ❤️ love you guys. Thank you so much for reading this book xx