The title of this book might have sounded weird to you. 'The end'? Sounds like something depressing. But the first part seemed really upbeat? Ending with a miracle. Losing someone and then getting them back? Sounds familiar? No, right? Exactly.
Life isn't a story, or fiction or anything made of the stars or anything beautiful. It's raw, rough and tough. There's no happy endings, just happy beginnings. So whenever you start something beautiful you falsely believe in a happily ever after. But in reality, never happens.
And that is what this part is about. Roberta does not come back in the end. She dies. And I am stuck in an endless cycle of dreaming until someone else saves me from me. There's no happily ever after here. Life goes on. Absolutely. It's not going to be great or even comparable to what you imagine it to be. But it's going to be okay. Anyway, this is the real end.
So fast forward three years from being together for a year, it almost feels like the end of everything. I am in a completely different continent to make a better life for myself and Rebecca. The distance takes a toll on Rebecca; there's a lack of communication, effort and patience. She ends it. Even though I pushed myself through all the pain and blindly trusted her for her word, it doesn't matter. Even though I believed her every time she said that there's nothing wrong. Even though I believed her every time she told me there's nothing different, it's just the times and the situations and she feels the same. She broke up with me. Over the phone, like it was just cancelling something you order.
I understood her at that time. It was okay. The distance and time was hard for her. Makes sense. All the promises of forever just flash through. It's okay I tell myself. It was a tough ride. Long distance relationships aren't easy. She gave it everything she got. The promise of staying friends seemed lucrative. Right? Because the end isn't really the end, right?
Wrong, again! You'd think if a person fought billions of times to promise to stay friends no matter happens would be a little more sensitive and put in more effort to stay that way. Of course not. Here's the problem with treating someone like a princess. You do all the work. You make things work without questioning your partner for a second. Even if you do, it's just easy to push it off onto some other reason. But anyway, insecure in all possible ways. Seemingly worst fear coming true and you wish you built a better support system, but you put too much into your failed relationship to have that. Feeling absolutely defeated by life itself and the one person who promised you to stand by you, absent.
It was rough. But I got it together. Pushed myself through. Until one fine day, my beautiful ex-princess calls. She says, "yeah, I moved on with someone else". And it hits you again. It's been four months since we broke up. Those words don't really make sense at first. Honestly, even now. I built such a high wall up for myself that a world where that happening is incomprehensible to me. It literally makes no sense. All the memories flash, it's one of the most painful moments I have had. It still makes no sense. I crash completely. Act normal and absolutely break down. It's tough. I wonder what went wrong. I put every thing I could into this relationship and I'm the person left heart-broken? Is that how the world works?
Ten months go on since the break up. I finally start feeling much better. Better at ignoring all my past feelings. Distracting myself from the pain. Running faster than the sorrow hoping it never catches up or someone comes and saves me. But everything just suddenly comes crashing down. You can never outrace life.
The only person I can turn to is already occupied by another man. Do I be happy that I have that person? Ignoring all the pain I had gone through? Should I be happy that she is finally doing everything that we planned on doing? Should I be happy for her? Am I allowed to hope that they don't work out? Should I be happy that she is finally putting more effort in to make her man happy? Or do I stay sad that it didn't happen with us? How can she move on so quickly? Was what we had that easy to move on from? Should I be happy that she's happy?
Moving on is hard. Especially when you are already moved on from. So many things I wish I did differently, but I know for a fact I would have done everything exactly the same way if I had another chance. Don't let anyone tell you about happy endings and miracles. Because they don't exist. And if you ever get let down by someone and wish they come back. They aren't gonna. So wait for someone else to save you or slowly untangle all the ropes on your own and roam free. Either way it ain't gonna be easy.
