Silence // Kim Hongjoong [completed]

Epilogue - Silence

     I've no idea how you could have gotten my address, Hongjoong. After we fell off those many years ago, I believed you'd forgotten about me. After reading your notes, I wanted to write a letter to you. I know you can't read it and I know you don't believe in the afterlife, but maybe it will reach you somehow.
     I feel that if I think about it hard enough, I can be back there with you. In my room after school, studying and speaking nonsense to each other. Kissing your lips and loving you. Though you could not return my feelings, I wanted nothing but to give you mine. I felt nothing but love from you. I knew that you wanted to love and I wanted to give you the chance. I wanted to teach you how.
     I just wish that we had more time. If you were like the rest, I don't know if I would have loved you. I loved your mind and I loved the way you thought. You were unbiased. You looked at the world in a different way than I. You looked from a perspective I never could no matter how hard I tried.
     That's why I loved you. Normality is not what I've ever wanted. Humanity is not what I've ever looked for in a person. If we could go back and I stayed, I know we could have gone far. I wish I could have had longer to love you.
     I want nothing more than to go back in time and hold you once more. If I'd stayed, none of this would have happened.

     I am more in love with you now than ever, but I'm too late. All I have now are your ashes. But I want you. I only want you. I want to see your face once again and I want to hear your voice. I want to follow you to wherever you've disappeared to, but I know that I can't. I have to live. I must stay here. I'll stay here for you and I will share your story.
     The story of the only man I could ever love, even if he could not love me back.

     Hongjoong, it may not mean anything, but I will live for you. A day will never go by without your voice playing in my ears. Without you within my heart. You will always be there, because that's where you belong.

     I love you, Kim Hongjoong.
     Rest easy, my love.