Ruin Me || Jihan

Chapter 14

The words resonated on Shua's head for awhile. There was a deafening silence that caused him to think where did he went wrong.

He shook his head in disapproval and uttered, "Why all of a sudden? I don't get you, Han. I really don't." You can hear the bitterness as he spat out those words.

As Han stared back at him, he was holding himself to take back what he has said. "What you feel Shua is just a mistake." Han said while swallowing the bile on his throat.

He also added, "Maybe you're just confused right now and aren't really sureㅡ" Before Han could finish, Shua answered him.

"Then what about last night? What was that kiss? You kissed me first! You fucking kissed me first that's why I lost control over myself!" He really tried suppressing his anger.

"And I felt really terrible for kissing you without getting your consent!" He added.

"I kissed you? What are you talking about? My last memory of you last night was you singing a song to me and that's it." Han couldn't last long staring at Shua that's why he averted his gaze. The way he said those words were more like making himself believe that it was what really happened.

So that was what he was sorry for? What should I do with this information? He's making it hard for me.

"Take a rest, Shua. You're just confused right nowㅡ"

"Why do you keep on insisting that I'm just confused, huh? Han? I know what I'm feeling and all I know is that i fucking love you. Why would I confuse myself to something that I am very sure of?" Han pursed his lips. He never felt so much pain while watching Shua on the verge of tearing up. He wasn't the type to be very emotional.

The last time he saw Shua like this was when they were still a trainee. When they were struggling together whether they should give up or not. The fact that he's witnessing it again right now is just too much. He wanted so badly to just take back what he has said and just hug him.

It pained him more than anyone else to see Shua like this but Han was so sure that this is the best way to handle everything before this will ruin their future. The future that they built so hard that's why they are living happily right now.

"What are you so afraid of, Han? Make me understand, please." Shua's voice quickly calmed down and he spoke it in a very soft way as much as possible. He was afraid that if he let his anger govern him, he would hurt Han.

"I am not afraid of anything, okay? I just don't get you. Please stop already, Shua. My head is already throbbing in pain." Han massaged his temple to show Shua that it was really throbbing.

"Was it just me who felt this all along? Or were you just afraid that what we feel would both consume us and ruin us together?" Shua was really persistent and Han knows that he'll be like this so he was left with no choice.

"I SAID STOP!" He shouted in anger. He doesn't want to hear anymore because Shua's making him waver on his decisions. He was making it hard for him to stand firm on what he should do.

The other members suddenly barged in since they heard someone shouted.

"What happened?" Scoups asked in confusion as he watched them both, studying their reactions.

"I'll stop. I'm so sorry, Han, for ruining your birthday. But everything I just said, there was no single lie on it." With that, Shua left the room first while the members were puzzled on what had really happened.

As soon as Shua left the room, Han felt all his energy were drained and he felt weak which made him slump on the floor. The tears that he was trying to hold were now out of control. He sobbed and Seokmin immediately went to him to comfort him. The members were about to help but Seokmin motioned them to go out first and so they did while having second thoughts.

"I didn't know choosing what's best would hurt this bad." He said in between sobs.

"How would you know if what you chose was the best choice?" Seokmin asked, making Han shifted his gaze towards Seokmin.

"It was the ONLY choice."

"Why are you so afraid of telling him what you truly felt? Hyung, you're depriving him his right to choose. You can't just make decisions on your own when you haven't heard what's his say on this. Does he even know why you're acting like this? Why are you making decisions for his sake? That's very selfish." What Seokmin said was loaded. Han couldn't be angry because what Seokmin said was true.

"Which side are you on?" Han changed the topic because even him doesn't know what's the answer.

"I get that you don't want to hurt him on what could happen, if ever. But have you also considered that you're already hurting him right now? Now, what difference did your decision made? Nothing." Han was just quiet as he listened because there was no excuse on what he did.

"See? Whatever you choose, it will only end up hurting you both. But both of you are suffering individually. If you tell him the truth right now, you could make better decisions and face it together." Han was slapped with what Seokmin just said. There's no other way to put how accurate it was.

"How come you have more knowledge about this?" He laughed as he wiped his tears.

"I am very frustrated because you're creating a problem that wasn't even possible in the first place. You like him and he also likes you. That's it. Why would you want to complicate it?"

"Would he still listen to me after what I did?" Seokmin just smiled at him and he got what that meant.

Now, Han stood up and dialed his phone. He paced while he was waiting for Shua to pick up. When Shua answered, there was a silence between them. Han didn't know what to say first.

"Joshuji, look. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I have no excuse. I want to say it personally. Where are you? I'll go there right now." He heard a long sigh from the other side of the phone.

"No need to say sorry, Han. It was really my fault. You don't need to come here." He said with conviction.

But Han insisted, "I really have something to say to you. This time, for real. You'll hear no lies."

please tell me what you think about this chapter:( i think this'll be the last update for awhile since prelim's just around the corner. again, thank you so much for reading and everything. it really helped me to stay motivated and fueled me to keep on going! xoxo.