Book Of Roses

Him

I can't see you without tasting you like blood in my mouth. 

I can't think of you without remembering everything we've done. 

I knew before this all started that you weren't looking for anything serious. You told me you weren't. 

And yet I let myself fall. 

I'm not sure if it was love, but it was something damn close, that much is certain. I haven't felt this much distraught in two years. Some instances were close, but only two can compare to what I felt all last night through to the morning. 

You were my first choice, why wasn't I yours? 

Why am I always second place to someone?

 Why does nobody want me like I crave them? 

This hurts. 

My stomach's been in knots since yesterday evening and it's gotten worse. I'm afraid to eat.

 Afraid to open my mouth for fear of the horrible, pathetic croak of a wail finding its way past the lump in my throat that's growing bigger by the second. 

It hurts so much, to lose someone that was never yours. 

I should've used my intuition. 

I should've kept my mouth shut. 

I shouldn't have said anything. My brain knew nothing would change. 

But my pathetic heart used the last of it's strength to hold onto the dim light of hope. As soon as the light brightened up the darkest corner of my soul, it was crushed. 

My last hope diminished for God knows how long. 

I was left in darkness again. 

Alone. 

Cold. 

Tired.