Fate by Any Other Name

Part 5

LEILANI

We continued at the slow pace for a while as we kissed, waiting for my body to hurt less. I really did love this man. He was so gentle and respectful. He checked on me nearly every step of the way and always made sure I was comfortable. I know he didn't love me how I loved him, it was too soon for that, but I was glad he cared enough to see past my outer appearance and understood my anxiety.

With the loss of my virginity, I was his now. From this day on, no matter what happened, I would belong to Jisung. I wanted that. I wanted so much more than my mind would allow me to do. My thoughts weren't as pure as I acted, but I wasn't sure if I'd ever have the guts to act on any of them. Although, I also never thought I'd get to have sex and feel safe while doing it. Jisung was a gentleman, even while violating me. It was tender and still mildly painful, but knowing who I was with helped so much. I was overcome with emotions while the man I loved made slow love to me.

His body tensed and he took a deep breath. On exhale, his hand moved up the back of my neck and lightly fisted in some of my hair with a low moan. Was he enjoying this? I hope I wasn't boring and I wished I had more knowledge to give him more pleasure. My biggest wish in life was to make this man happy. If only I knew how.

[English] "Lani...", he huffed near my ear with a whimper.

"Jisung."

[English] "Are... are you mine? After tonight... will you... still be mine?", his pace was wavering, but getting more intense and his words were becoming strained.

"I'll be yours forever.", I held him so tight as his fist tightened in my hair, pulling at the roots a bit.

[English] "Do you really love me?"

"I love you...", the sting of tears burned in my closed eyes. I buried my face into his neck and let him take me harder.

[English] "I want... to come inside you. Please let me..."

"Anything you want... is yours."

[English] "I just want you..."

Deeper than ever, he pushed into me and it hurt, but the closeness it brought was unbelievable. With his hand gripped tightly in my hair, he forced a long passionate kiss on my lips and held me there. Before we broke apart, he laid into me, pressing my head into the pillow with his kiss while tugging at my hair. Jisung was wining into my mouth and moaning with each gasp of air. My own sounds were mixing with his, causing a beautiful harmony. I never knew so many emotions could exist at once like this. Pain, pleasure, happiness, fear; they all battled in a graceful dance inside my head and throughout my body. I was afraid of everything, even as we did it, but I was going to give this man everything he wanted and more. It was the least I could do for all the joy he had brought to my chaotic life. I was his. Long before tonight or this act, I belonged to Jisung.

Crying out as his actions became rough, I whimpered in time with his groans. I didn't know I liked having my hair pulled... I didn't know I would enjoy this dull pain throbbing inside me with the loss of my virginity. No, it wasn't that I enjoyed the pain, I just loved that Jisung was the reason for it. He wasn't hurting me on purpose, it was just part of the process and I was happy to suffer it. Thank you Fate for allowing this chance into my life. For allowing him to find his way into it. How can I ever repay you?

I knew what it meant when he swelled thick inside me from all the dirty stories I read online. Thanks to those smutty stories, I was on full alert and ready to accept all of him. The idea of it was sending me into a spiral. The louder and more rough he got, the more my whole body tingled. Incredible!

"Ugh, Jisung...", I moaned his name with the building pressure.

[English] "Almost..."

"Same."