The next morning I woke up, I saw a message from someone. The number was not saved but I recognized it. It was Lindy. I decided not to read any of it and let whatever she had to say to me interfere with my morning routine or change the mood I always tried to set when first waking up. I got out of bed, walked to my bathroom, and applied toothpaste slowly on my brush while running the water. I began brushing, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I noticed a small cut on my left cheek, reminding me that it was time to trim my nails. Upon finishing, I rinsed my mouth with water and mouthwash and left the bathroom to go to the kitchen. I fried eggs, sliced bananas, poured myself a glass of milk, and enjoyed myself for about two hours. After finishing, I walked back to my phone, and what I saw was enough to throw it all up. From Lindy, I read: "Should've logged out of our iCloud. I've got your video. To porn, or not to porn?" I called her phone approximately sixteen times before she answered. "It's called one girl one bed." Even I'm not sure why I was so curious to see myself on this questionable dark hole website. I typed in every word and stared in disgust as I saw my drunk self rubbing and touching all over myself, in my bed. Moaning freely, unafraid of judgment, and making a mess anywhere I could. I looked pretty good. I instantly snapped out of it and confronted her. "Take this shit down now, or you'll be sorry." "Come over tonight and talk about what the hell is going on with me, and we can delete it together over some wine." She replied. "Over my dead body." I responded.
I hung up and immediately called my lawyer. "Patricia." She answered. Hey Patricia, I'm having some legal issues right now." "Go on" she replied, seemingly more interested. "My ex-girlfriend found a video of me masturbating, it's about thirteen minutes long. She exposed me to a porn website." For several seconds, there was silence over the phone. "Hello?" I said. "Classic case of revenge porn. It is a and Class 4 felony in Illinois to spread private sexual images without consent. We're looking at $80,000 in your favor within the next few weeks. When can we meet?" My heart dropped. Did I really want to sue my ex-girlfriend for her entire salary? "Hello?" I snapped back into reality. "Today at 3 please." "Alright, I'll see you then. I'm sorry that happened to you. Let's meet at SoHo Tea and have dessert while we plan your new future because I will win you this case, and have her exposed on her ass for once." I smiled to myself. I fucking love my lawyer. I thought. "See you then." I hung up the phone and tried to forget about the horrible nightmare that was my life. I decided not to tell Lindy anything. I thought it would be hilarious to have her hear a knock on her door and be served her papers. I pictured her cocky ass walking slowly to the door, thinking I finally caved in for her idea, here to save face. She would open the door, and be greeted by an $80,000 fine. I chuckled as I poured myself a glass of Vodka at 9 in the morning.
