I spent the entire night singing my broken heart out with Shan Cai and, surprisingly, Dao Ming Si in a Karaoke bar.
I just couldn't stop the pain I was feeling. I knew it would hurt to return the man I love to his first love. I convinced myself it was the right thing to do. I didn't want to have regrets. I didn't want Xi Men to have more regrets. I met Xiao Geng for a reason and that reason is to reconnect and reconcile her and Xi Men.
Then Xiao Geng called me, asking me to come to the rooftop. It confused me. Why would she want me to go there? Did she have to gloat that she got the guy? That Xi Men picked her and not me?
I had second thoughts. But Dao Ming Si said something and I changed my mind. If I didn't go I'll never find out why I was asked to go and I would indeed regret it for the rest of my life. So I raced towards the building. Even if I had no idea what awaits me there. Even if it would mean having my broken heart turned into shattered pieces.
The elevator wasn't working yet so very early in the morning and I had to climb once more these flight of stairs. When I reached the door that would lead me to the rooftop, I paused. I was breathless and I needed to steady my heart. When I found my courage, I stepped forward.
There was only one person standing there. Xi Men. He was facing the other building where Xiao Geng's confession message was. Slowly, I made my way to where Xi Men was.
"Xi Men."
He turned round. "You're here."
I glanced towards the other building and was shocked to see the message wasn't there anymore. "Why is the sign gone? Where's Xiao Geng?"
"She left," replied Xi Men.
What is going on? Didn't she called and ask me to come? This is their chance, their moment to be together. Why isn't she here? "Did she leave because the sign is gone? But that sign no longer matters. What's important is that you're here."
"Xiao You," he stopped me then said quietly, "It's over between me and Xiao Geng."
"Over?" I couldn't hide the confusion in my voice and in my face. "What does that mean?"
Xi Men recounted what happened when he and Xiao Geng reached the rooftop. When to their dismay the sign was no longer there. How once again they missed another opportunity. How they both realized they were no longer the people they used to be five years ago. They apologized to each other. Both made the confession they owed each other five years ago.
"Then what happened?" I asked after he finished.
"I think she also realized that she doesn't like me. I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm not brave. I hide from the person I like. Such a person doesn't deserve to be liked." Xi Men explained.
When I heard him saying that I felt sorry and pity at the same time. I didn't like how it made me feel and even more how he felt about it.
"Who said so? I like you the way you are." I didn't care if I was making a fool of myself in front of him or that I'm muttering nonsense. He needed to know he was loved.
"Xiao You, you were fooled. The person standing here is not the real Xi Men." He reasoned out.
"No," I objected. "Nobody's perfect."
When Xi Men didn't react I went on, "I have a lot of faults too. I trust people easily. I lack good judgement. So my friends always have to clean up my mess. Most of the time, I'm self-centered and strong-willed. However, I don't think I don't deserve to be liked because of these faults."
There was a small smile on Xi Men's face when I looked at him. He even chuckled. "Xiao You. You always impress me."
I felt a little embarrassed when he said that but at least he got my point. He needed to stop beating himself up.
A long time ago, he taught me to be confident, to believe in myself. Maybe he too needed some teaching and reminding of his own medicine. Suddenly emboldened, I spoke the words that could change for better or for worse our lives.
"Xi Men. Missing your 'once in a lifetime' is your problem. But now it's our 'once in a lifetime'. I don't want to miss it."
With determination I took one step forward and wrapped both of my arms around Xi Men's neck. He didn't seem surprise by the move. He bent his head a little and our lips meet each other.
Our first kiss.
I've been dreaming and waiting to be kissed by Xi Men. It was everything I expected and so much more. In that kiss I poured all the love I have for him. And at the back of my mind I was thankful for the words of wisdom of Dao Ming Si.
Xi Men deepened the kiss. I felt his other hand on my back as it pressed me closer to his body. In that moment I knew Xi Men loves me too.
Whatever worries and doubts we ever have of ourselves, even past regrets, none of them mattered at that moment. All that matters was us. Our love for each other.
