Unexpected

The Beginning part #2

Fake smiles, Pills and PTSD.
That was my life at the time, I was so alone and broken inside.
I blamed myself every day.
I didn't really eat, or even take care of myself which as I say that, I'm completely ashamed of how I treated myself.

It had been probably 2 months,  I wasn't completely okay, but I was dealing.
I had gotten a new job, and was trying to just push through.
I had went out on a limb and contacted an old friend of mine Ethan, and we talked for a bit, and he introduced me to his girlfriend he'd had for awhile.
Shortly after me and her had hit it off, we talked all the time and hung out, I was actually starting to get happy again, having a new friend and going on new adventures. Our McDonald's dates were what I looked forward to, She was my new best friend, and my gosh we went on some crazy adventures.
Ethan would always call me and complain about how I was stealing his girlfriend, but of course I didnt care, because having a new friend kept my mind off everything.
I downloaded tinder, reluctantly.
But at the time I thought it would help.
I had a hole in me that a friend couldn't fill, a hole that alcohol and pills couldn't even fill.
I talked to a lot of guys, had a few flings, tried to fix myself in all the wrong ways.
Yes I know it sounds weird coming from someone who had been rapped just two months before but I found sex comforting, I had got past flinching every time I was touched, but that's not the way I should have went about it.
I was messing myself up even more.
One night I was swiping through tinder and found a guy named Jeff, of course I swiped right because I thought he looked nice, and handsome, and we matched.
We messaged all night, talking about so many things, we stayed up until 3 in the morning talking.
He only lived about an hour away from me.
The next day he had to travel to a job training thing, and he FaceTimed me at 7am. Needless to say I was pissed because he woke me up haha, but we talked during his 10 hour drive, 10 hours on the phone, and we talked about so many things,I found out how kind and sensitive he was, we talked about our dreams, nightmares and everything in between.
This went on for weeks, we constantly talked every free second we had, and I had planned to go visit him.
I ran it by my parents and of course they said no. I was completely pissed off, I was 19 years old, how are they able to tell me what I can and cant do?
I didnt live under their roof, I payed them for Rent and bills.
I felt like a full on adult, and wanted to be treated like one.
One day I flat out told my mom that I was going, it was my car, my money and I could do what I wanted.
This lead to a huge fight, I got so mad I had walked out, and went to get ready for work.
They had let me off work early that night, but I just took some time, drove around and blared depressing music, (Basic, I know) I finally went home around 9:30, my parents already in bed.
I went out to my little house and layed down and tried to relax.
I got a call around 10 from an old friend of mine, Jacob.
He had always had a thing for me but my whole friend group was made up of guys and Morgan,which was Ethan's girlfriend. (Ironic that my friend group was mostly guys)
Anyways, he called me to invite me to Ethans new place for a house warming party, in other words fee booze and loud music, I told him I had no way of getting there since it was a 1 hour drive and I couldn't leave in fear of my parents hearing my car.
Of course he was persuasive enough to talk me into sneaking out and him coming to pick me up.
So I snuck out and had to hide at a taco shop down the street from my house waiting on him, he came and got me and we went to Ethan's.
We got to Ethan's  and as soon as I walked in I was greeted by a very drunk Morgan, a buzzed Ethan and Jacobs brother.
Also a lot of booze which I was pretty happy about.
They were pretty shocked at how much vodka I had put in my drink, but honestly that was my normal nightly amount.
It only took about 2 hours to where I was completely plastered. And yes I know, going out and getting drunk had gotten me into trouble before and there is no excuse for why I did it, but I never said I made good choices.
We were all having fun, playing beer pong and acting like idiots, I had went and face planted on the couch and me and Morgan were laughing about it, Jacob and come up and jokingly smacked my ass, but he didn't know that he had just opened a whole new can of worms by doing that.
I broke down completely, I started shaking and crying so badly I was having my first panic attack.
Morgan sat on the floor and held me, and all the guys had no idea what was going on, Morgan knew.
The guys kept asking and insisting that Morgan tell them what was wrong, but she wanted me to say it,
I leaned up, and started explaining what had happened just 2 short months ago and everyone looked shocked, they had the look of pity written all over their faces.
Jacob lost it, he ran outside and started hitting walls and cars, I knew it was because he cared for me, but it still scared me.
His brother went outside to try and calm him down as Ethan sat inside trying to get details from me, names where these guys were from, whatever he could get out of me. But I wouldn't say anything.
Jacob came back inside, sat on the floor next to me and pulled me in, he held me like he was afraid I was going to fall apart if he let go.
He looked at me and I realized he had been crying, he asked me for a name, so I told him the only one I knew, Tristan.
The rest of the night was spent with me taking more shots and the boys trying to find Tristan on social media, they kept badgering me for an address but I wouldn't give it up.
Finally it was around 3:30 am, so we all loaded up in the car ad they took me home.
We got back and to my road, Jacob got out and helped me to the fence and helped me jump it, i texted jef and told him i was home and went to sleep.
The next day nobody would talk about what happened, nothing, radio freaking silence. Jacob wouldn't talk to me, or anyone else, so the start of the day was pretty shitty to start out with.
I went inside to my parents and it was like a bomb went off, i was bombarded with yelling about how lazy i was because i didnt get out of bed until 11am, i was screamed at for almost 2 hours, they kept telling me i needed to get my life together and start acting like an adult. My mom brought up the trip i wanted to make to see Jeff, and my parents called me a whore, that the only reason i wanted to go is so i could sleep with him. So they decided to ground me, told me I wasn't allowed to take my care anywhere except doctors appointments or work.
I had finally had enough.
I was 19 years old, paying my parents for rent and bills, owned my own car and paid for the gas and insurance.
I was an adult, and I wasn't going to be treated like a child any longer.
I called my Best friend since freshman year, Isabella.
I told her what had happened and asked for help, she suggested i just packed what i needed and move out, and her and her family assured me that they would help with whatever i needed.
The next call i made was to my sister in law, Jessica and my brother Aj.
They lived in Idaho and a week before this i had gone to visit them, me and my sister in law were very close and she had been telling me that I shouldn't put up with my parents treating me like this in the first place, so she was completely on board when i told her i was tired of it and wanted to leave.
I stayed on the phone with her for the rest of the day, as i packed my things into trash bags and totes, i only grabbed what i could fit in my car, so i packed and waited till dark, the started loading things into my car that way my parents wouldn't see.
I managed to get everything packed into the car, put my two dogs and cat into the car and ended up having a panic attack about going into the house to tell my parents. But I had to do it, so i grabbed my key, and walked into the house.
I was met by my mom, so i went up and gave her a hug and told her i loved her , she kind of figured something was wrong and kept asking what it was, so i handed her my key and told her i was leaving, i was done living under their roof and my things were packed and i was leaving.
This turned into the biggest argument i had ever had with my parents, it lasted 3 hours
My mother kept saying the only reason i wanted to leave was because i wanted to sleep with Jeff, that i was a little whore and she wasnt going to let me leave, she forcefully tried to take my car keys, and then threatened to cancel my insurance then call the police and report that i was driving an uninsured vehicle.
My dad was the calm one in all of this, asking if i had a plan and where i was going to go,what i would do about m job and so on.
While this was happening my mom was tearing every single photo of me off the walls, screaming and crying saying she was going to kill herself because everyone leaves.
You have no idea how hard it was not to just give in to her and say I'd say, but i was 19 years old, I couldn't give in to my mom, i was a grown up living under teenage rules.
They tried to get me to stay, even just for a night but i refused.
My dad finally just told my mom to let it go, that i was going to leave no matter what , so they finally let me leave.
You have no clue how relieving it was to walk out that door and not look back, but i had realized i had nowhere to go.
Great planning right?
I called Jacob, and told him that i had nowhere to go and he had sent me money for gas and told me to go to Ethan's.
So i called Ethan and Morgan explained what happened and started my drive.