BTS Is Incomplete Without You (BTS 8th Member)

Filled Bucket

The content ahead may be triggering to some people. Do not read ahead if you aren't comfortable reading about panic attacks or anything along the lines.

"Please make yourself comfortable."
"So.. how are you feeling today."

"Don't know."

"Okay..."

"Have you ever been in a thearepy before."

"Yes."

"Would you like to share what happened?"

FLASHBACK

Its was around my tenth grade when my dad died in an accident. An unanticipated news waiting for me on my way to home from school.
No one in my school knew as I was an outcast. Had a few friends, but never told them because I never felt the need to.
My mom told that it was okay if I took a few days off but staying home with the relatives constantly remind of my "loss" wasn't of any help.

That was the last time I saw my Mom as a person I know. She started to chug up her anguish in form of liquor.
In such time of mess, Leo stood strongest of all. He tried not the family tragedy have an effect on his efforts of a decent future. And mom's such condition was a fuel to his exhaustion. In between of all this school was my only escape. At the least, it distracted me. But when I looked around me, I felt invisible. This wasn't their fault either. I always had a knack for pushing people away. Another escape was music. I listened to all kinds of music to quite down voices in my head. But Kpop remained most prominent of them.

It was our sports class, I was swinging the swing instead of playing volleyball with other girls in the fear of coming off as a rookie to them because half of the girls were on the team and the others were busy gossiping. The scene made me sigh as I held the two chains of the swing. The sunrays made its way between the leaves of the tall tree and reached my face. Autumn is here so it's a perfect day to sleep and never wake up, I thought.
The sound of whistle broke my lucid thoughts and I turned my head to see girls running to join in the volleyball game as our P.E teacher made a presence.

'Do I need to go or not' I wondered.

I was sitting very far from them anyway so I decided to spend my time on swing as they won't bother about me.
I took some steps back and released my body forwards and the world oscillated up and down.

I screeched my shoes against the ground before my dreadful collision with the P.E teacher who suddenly appeared in front of my swing.
I held my head down to the ground waiting for earning a scolding for not playing but the wait was too long. I raised my head slowly to find out him sitting on the swing next to mine.
We both didn't said a word and I swung my legs instead.

"I am trying to solve this quiz, will you help me?" I was confused at his sudden strange request.

"I'll try..." I said hesitatingly

"Imagine a bucket being filled under a tap. It's about to be full till brim but you can't close the tap. What will you do to prevent water from spilling?

I stopped moving my legs and stared at my shoes.

"Replace it with another bucket." I say after analysing the problem.

"You can't. You don't have another bucket."
"What now?"

"There's no another way. You are doomed." I scoffed.

"Right?"

"But what's the answer?" I asked facing him.

"There's no answer." He said staring high up in the sky with his eyes reflecting his vision."

He stretches back with the swing.
"Just remember you need another bucket to dump your emotions filled by never-ending, unstoppable problems of life otherwise one day it will all spill.

Saying this he springs forward being the little more close to the pale blue sky. While I tried to absorb the wise words he just gave me.
'What?' was my first reaction in my head.

But as I walked to the class his words were dancing in my head. My inner organs squeezed as I formed the message hidden under his quiz. It was making me wonder if my ears were fine or was I dreaming. I didn't know the thought of somebody caring for me was just overwhelming.
All the memories that I locked in my chest flashes in front of my eyes.
My dad's dead body, My mother laying down at floor, unconscious of herself, the strain between me and Leo, me discovering what's wrong with me.

It was too much. Everything was too much.

My legs become weak. I tried to control my thoughts by releasing air through my mouth. I felt nauseous as if the air near me wasn't enough.

'Don't be weak Y/n.'

I said to myself as washroom was just 5 stairs away. But my vision become foggy and I collapsed midway.
And cried and cried until I emptied my bucket. While half of the children were too scared to come near me and some others kept asking me what was wrong.

'What do I tell them?'
'What reasons do I make?'

I rested my head against the wall and wished the ground to swallow me up.

"EVERYBODY TO YOUR CLASS! GO! RIGHT NOW."

I came to my senses and the first thing that came to my mind was to run. So I got up and ran through the crowd like crazy. Locked myself in one of the bathroom stalls.
Next followed another worst thing that could happen to me that day.

Panic attack.

It may sound absurd but I couldn't bear with the embarrassment of crying in front of half the school.

I was called in the counciling room.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Two sessions with the school counselor because of a panic attack. Worst. I hate counselors."

"I'm sorry on the behalf of them and I promise, I will try to change your opinion."

"Did you had panic attacks after that day?"

"A few times"

"You feel something? Like something is wrong with you, with the world, anything?

"I just think I might...... I might have social anxiety."

Author's note

Sorry for the wait and that's for all the votes, it really makes me happy.

Also don't forget to vote for this chapter too.

Edit: OMG!! THE BOOK HAS REACHED 2K VIEWS. THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT 💜💜💜