- desire

04. anorexic , j. waud

trigger warning !
— this may be a really sensitive topic to some viewers. if you have been through this or are going through this, stay strong. i love you.

y/n's pov

it was currently two am, and i was in the bathroom, dizzy, holding my stomach. joe was asleep, i couldn't tell him nor let him see me like this. i haven't eaten in days, thus why i'm sick. i'm throwing up everything i haven't eaten. i have lost fourteen pounds in just a month. it's disgusting.

"babe?" shit. why is he up?

"babe, are you okay?" i hear him say from outside the bathroom door.

"i'm fine baby, go back to bed." i stutter out.

"it's two am and you sound like you're throwing up. you aren't fine." he says, worry lacing his voice.

"joe please."

he didn't listen, he opened the door, seeing me on the floor next to the toilet. i was dreading every moment, knowing i would have to tell him.

"what's wrong?" he sat down next to me, placing my legs over his. his hands ran up and down my legs.

"uh, nothing. i'm fine." i didn't make eye contact with him.

"you're lying, you aren't looking at me." he said, "what is it? please."

i shook my head, looking down. tears swelled my eyes. i didn't want him to leave me.

"baby..." he said, pulling me into him. he leaned against the wall, one hand on my head and the other rubbing my back.

"you're gonna be mad at me." i cried.

"no i won't, just please. i want to help."

"no, you're going to think i'm disgusting joe."

"baby, i would never think that of you. talk to me."

"i-i'm anorexic."

he looked at me, tears beginning to prick his eyes.

"since when? w-what?"

"i have been for over a year now. i didn't want to tell you, i cant lose you." i started sobbing.

"baby, i'm not going to leave you for that. i'm here to help. i love you so much." he picked

my head up from his chest, wiping my eyes.
"when, when was the last time you ate?"

"thursday" i mumbled quietly, hoping he wouldn't hear.

"thursday? it's tuesday now. babe that's not healthy." my heart was breaking seeing him like this. he didn't cry often.

"i'm sorry. don't be mad at me. please." i wrapped my arms around his neck, my crying continuing.

"shh. i'm not mad. i'm going to be here to help you. i love you more than anything, okay?" he stroked my hair, placing light kisses on my neck and shoulder.

"i love you so much. im sorry for not telling you, i don't wanna lose you."

"you aren't going to lose me babe, i promise."