Concerning Death

Chapter 13 - Concerning Liv

I receive a hero's welcome when we get there, and to my immense surprise, John doesn't share the details of my nighttime adventure. Another day's work begins, but this time everyone's spirits are slightly lifted.  It even seems like John is in a better mood.

Sarah is chatty today, though not very helpful. I try to ask about the pictures, about Superman, about Rolaan Summers. I get every answer from "You question with a wicked tongue" to "Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?" to a reminder that "everyone can master a grief but he that has it."

As the clock announces the end of the day John drags me back to his apartment. The rest stay a bit longer, but John, being worried about me, plays the "I insist" card. To my wonder, his apartment greets us with a stack of boxes that weren't there this morning.

"I pulled a favor," he explains as he opens the top box, revealing my DVD collection. "Thought perhaps this would make the prison more bearable."

"Thanks," I mumble, not quite sure what to do.

"I know you have been through quite a lot lately, and you have had to make sacrifices and adjusted to a lot in a short timespan - I just want you to know that I'm here to help you, I'm not your enemy." He stares down at me, waiting for me to accept his offer of friendship, or apology or explanation or whatever it is. On one hand, I see the boy across the street, the boy who too suddenly turned nice and offered to carry my sister's books, on the other hand, it's all different this time. He's not the prestigious doctor's son who gets whatever he wants, he's a federal agent tasked with keeping the population - including me - safe.

"It's more than just that though, isn't it? More than professional curtesy or simple friendliness." He inquired after Liv, he got me out of Catherine's apartment and gave me a place to crash - despite the strain it's putting on him - and that day at the gym; even last night. He was way too calm about it - or not calm, he was furious, but he didn't give me a hard time about it. And now this. There's something more to it, something beyond the reasonably expectable.

"I'll answer if you want, I owe you that much, but you won't like it." That does not seem right either. "Can we at least sit down for this?" he begs. I take a seat on the couch that has served as my bed this entire time, and I can't help wondering if that is about to change, if I'm going to move to someone else now. He takes a steadying breath and joins me.

"23 years ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was 7, Elena was only 3. She didn't really understand what was happening - she thought radiation had something to do with a radiator. Ethan was lost in denial, he tried every treatment he could think of, if there was even the slightest chance it could work he convinced himself it would. My mom survived for two years before finally saying no to him, and with each failed treatment he started drinking more and more until it became a real problem. With Ethan in drunken denial and Elena being too young to understand, I was the only sane and healthy one, and I had to learn how to take care of mom and Elena.

"One night you and Liv knocked on our door - you needed Ethan's help with something. Ethan asked me to look after you while he went to your house. Liv was clinging to you like she would die if she let go - and you put your arms around her and told her it would be fine; the nice man was going to fix it and she would soon be back in her nice, warm bed. I had never really paid attention to you before, all I knew was that Liv..." He hesitates, afraid of offending me. I wait for him to go on without interfering. "Everyone said she was odd, and she never spoke a word - but there was something about you, about the way you took care of her. You had a strength I needed. Of course, a 9-year-old boy isn't going to ask for help, especially not from a girl. I decided to study you instead, figure out how you managed everything - so I was nice to the weird girl everyone made fun of. Wherever Liv went, you went too. I watched your every move around her. Ethan didn't want to let you back in our house, I don't think he wanted you around his children, but my mom convinced him somehow. And after a while, Liv actually started talking to me. It was like I had managed to get something right for once - like getting praise from the teacher for a job well done. I remember looking to you for some sort of acknowledgment, but you just stared at your sister as if she scared you. I suppose you never trusted my sudden friendship, you always liked Elena better. I felt betrayed, and I became even more determined to do a good job at taking care of my own mom and sister.