Concerning Death

Chapter 24 - Concerning Nicaa

22nd of June

My bags are packed with what feels like everything I own. Since the whole point of the relocation is that nobody knows where I am, I don't know what climate to pack for. Lindsay went by my apartment to get me some winter clothes, and I asked her to bring my Complete Works of William Shakespeare as well - the one John bought will be staying here, just in case they need my notes or Sarah wants a chat, but I just don't feel right leaving it behind anymore. She comes back with my entire Wordsworth collection and The Mark of the Lion resting on top.

"Thank you, Lindsay. It's going to be okay," I hear myself tell her. "It's going to be alright," I repeat as an order to myself.

"We've got her gravesite, we have a profile, we have witnesses," Lindsay reminds me. I smile and nod.

"Joanna will be in the car when they come for you," Karl informs me. "I need you to hand over your phone and credit cards." There's an odd sense of finality in all of this. Next time I see them - if I do see them again, 1,8,11 will have finished her last string. Who knows what that will mean. I hand Karl what he asked for, but he checks my wallet just the same. I see him frown when he notices the folded up note addressed 'Family and friends', but he doesn't say anything. There's an identical one hidden in John's desk where he won't look for a while, just in case one is lost or goes unnoticed.

"What about my mom?" I ask him. Mrs. Jones and Principal Lawrence both know a little something about what's going on, or at least that I'm with the FBI now, they will understand if they can't get hold of me, my mother won't though, she doesn't know anything. "What will you tell her?"

"You think she needs to be told something? I didn't think you two really spoke." There's an awkwardness filling the room as everyone remembers either how I spoke to her in Hill Lake, or how she ignored me when she was at the office to identify Superman.

"We don't, but she still might call, and she can be rather insistent." The more inopportune the moment, the more likely she is to call.

"We will deal with that if she calls, the fewer people who know you're gone the better." I nod at the floor. Might be best. Still, I hate leaving them to deal with her, it feels like putting my burdens on them and they have more than enough to deal with already.

"What about Joanna? She hasn't been as cut off from her normal life as me, has she?"

"Joanna is on a well-deserved vacation in Hawaii," John tells me with a half-smile meant, I think, to lighten the mood a little. I can't remember the last time I was upset by a goodbye. Usually, goodbye means better things ahead, like when I left Hill Lake, or when a class of students graduates. I look around at them all. Lindsay has somehow managed to fit the books in my bags - she really can do anything. There's an almost empty look on her face, as if her mind is pulled in too many directions and she cannot collect it. Catherine is standing silent by her seat, eyes on the floor and her posture curved to the side. I can almost see Robert standing next to her, a light hand on her shoulder and an encouraging smile on his face. God be with her, no one else can truly help her now.

Karl signals that the car is here. John opens the door for me and walks me down. He stops me at the bottom of the stairs, holding out a hand to block the door.

"You should probably take this now." He hands me the box with my long sword. I accept the package and feel it's weight in my hands. Yes, I want this with me, I want every protection I can possibly get, but I also want him not to take offense in it, or what is worse.

"John, I want you to promise me something." He looks down at me, and I make my eyes meet his. "Whatever happens now, if this doesn't go as hoped, if something should go wrong... It's not on you. Whatever happens, everything that's already happened, it's on 1,8,11, not you." I hold his gaze. He doesn't look away, but he doesn't promise either. I never thought he would, but at least he'll have heard it from someone. He breaks eye contact and looks down at the package in my hands.