Underneath The Mask (Hetalia School AU)

Chapter 15

Lukas

Head hurting, I throw myself to the other side of my bed. Again. It's approximately 1 am and guess who can't sleep. Me. Of course. Why is it that your brain always dredges up terrible thoughts when you just want rest? It's stupid. Yet, here I am regretting every choice I've made, flashing back to all the insults and jabs people have said right to my face, all the insults I've told myself staring into a mirror, all the wasted time I've spent trying to figure out why I should stay on this earth and what my purpose is (as far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't exist – I have no purpose). Can you see why I can't sleep? It's starting to get very unbearable and I feel like absolute shit. Usually, this goes in a very clear pattern. The thoughts happen, they get to me (as always), and I take it out on myself (if you know what I mean). I start to surrender to the thoughts (like the pathetic person I am) and get up. As soon as I do, I notice my phone. My phone. Mathias. This is the situation he was talking about, right? I don't want to bother him though. Should I message him? It's 1 am! I can't wake him! Not to burden him with my pathetic problems.

As if he could sense my dilemma, a call appeared on the screen. Mathias is calling me in the middle of the night. What the fuck. I accept and put it to my ear. "Ah, you are up! Oh, wait – I could have just woken you! Shit. I'm so sorry if I woke you!" He starts rambling apologies. "Nah, I never even went to sleep. What's up? I hardly expected you to call me in the middle of the night." Well, he called me, helping solve one of my problems so thanks Mathias. Now I don't have to. "Woah, woah, hold up! You haven't slept yet?! I knew something was up! That's why I called you, my gut told me something was wrong. Sorry if that sounds weird." He's whispering, I never realised Mathias was capable of being quiet. That sounds harsh but I don't think he's aware at the volume he talks at sometimes. "Not weird. Yeah, um, pumpkin." Feeling strange, the word that we picked out rolls off my tongue. I quickly add, "But it's nothing! Seriously, Mathias, I'm fine."

I hear a sharp exhale on the other side of the line, "Lukas. You have not slept at all and you just used the word we picked out to tell me something's up. Please don't downplay your emotions just because you're worried about bothering me. I know you; you're worried about being a burden. You aren't. Please let me help." His voice is grave, without it's usual bounciness to it. He saw right under my mask and called me out on my bullshit. Damn, he's good at reading people even when he can't see them. "Ok..." I sigh, "You're right. I'm not good. I feel like complete and utter shit, ok?" Rustles come up to my ear from the other side and then footsteps. Mathias is silent for a minute and then I hear, "I'm making my way over there. I'm going to stay on the line the entire time, ok?"

"Why are you coming here? I don't quite understand, Mathias." I whisper, trying to remind myself that I don't want to wake Arthur who's sleeping in his room right now. "I want to be with you in person. It's easier for me to give support that way. Is that alright?" I smile slightly. Happiness bubbles up in me like it always does when Mathias asks if an action he's about to do is alright with me. Like when he asked if I was ok with him hugging me after my panic attack a month ago. It's a small act but I notice it. Most people wouldn't ask, they would just hug you. That's all well and fine but if you're like me and hate people suddenly invading your personal space to touch you then it's horrible. "That's perfectly fine. Come right over."

Roughly twenty minutes later, he's outside Arthur's house in a crimson car. Rushing downstairs quietly, I pull on a coat and shoes, then I head outside. A sight lays in front of me that I wasn't expecting. Mathias' hair is not defying the laws of gravity, and is more dropped down over his face, coming to an end just above his eyes. He's huddled in a black winter coat (April in Norway can still be freezing) with this floppy hairstyle and he's cute. He's so cute. His eyebrows are furrowed slightly and his mouth twitches into a tiny grin. "Your hair- it's down," is all I manage. I don't know how he plans to help me but this whole hair thing is quite distracting. "Oh... yeah..." he seems sheepish and adverts his gaze, "I gel it every morning. This is how I really look." I walk closer so I can take a better look. And then I see them. Tiny freckles scattered all over his cheeks. He has freckles. It just makes him look even cuter. "And you have freckles. They're really adorable," I exhale, my breath making tiny steam clouds. "You think so? I, um, get really self-conscious about my appearance so I gel my hair and use concealer to hide the freckles." So even Mathias, a god of confidence in my opinion, is hiding under a mask.