Critique Shop by J.A.M

2. Only The Brave

         Username: GoldenTommo28

Title: Only The Brave

Status: On-going

Description: both Ariana and Louis just went through a heartbreak. So both gave themselves a rule to not fall in love anytime soon. But what are they going to do when they find themselves falling for each other?

Parts: 9

TITLE:

Personally, as a OT5 fan of One Direction, I love how you made your title as an inspiration to Louis's song. It's also very catchy. In fact, if I wasn't informed that your story's genre is fan-fiction, I would've mistook it as something related to mystery/thrill. ♡

BOOK COVER:

It is good. The one who edited your book cover is a pro. He/she must have put a lot of effort in making your book cover. I liked that you made Louis as the book cover because it really connects to the story of your book. No need to change it. The fonts and the spacing is also fine. ♡

SYNOPSIS/DESCRIPTION:

Your description is what makes your readers question your story. Not in a bad perspective but it makes them think or wonder on what your story is really about.

And I was not impressed on your synopsis. I could not understand it and by reading it I didn't got the connection with the book. Your book cover attracts your readers and your synopsis is the sneek peek of your whole story.

I advice you to change it and make it a bit longer. And also start your sentence with a capital letter instead of 'both' change it into 'Both'.

It's also a bit wrong grammar I advice you to remove the 'just' in your first sentence.

If you don't want to change your synopsis but want to correct the grammar, here's an example for you.

Both Ariana and Louis went through a heart break. So they gave themselves a rule and that is not to fall in love anytime soon. But what are they going to do when they found themselves falling for each other?

This decision is still up to you Hon, don't worry. ♡

CHARACTERIZATION:

I like your characters. You express them correctly. Although you decided to make Harry as the antagonist of the story it didn't made a bad expression to me even though he's my bias. It actually gave me a thought on what his role would be in your story. In short, I liked your characterization. ♡

DIALOGUE/NARRATION:

Same errors just like your synopsis. Just be careful with your grammar and how you use the past, present, and future tenses. The same with your capitalization it should be 'Louis' and not 'luois' when you are using nouns, it should always be in a capital letter 'Daddy' instead of 'daddy' and when you start a sentence, it should also be in a capital letter.

Your dialogue is also a bit confusing. I didn't know who Louis is talking to. You put together your dialogue and your narration. It's better if you add the person who is talking right after the dialogue in order for your readers to understand the scenario.

Also, it would be better if you limit the amount of words that you put in your paragraphs.

For example:

"Please calm down," Louis told him.

He was still mad and didn't listen to what I was saying.

♡

GRAMMAR/SENTENCE STRUCTURE:

Your story is in English so correct grammar must be maintained. Just be careful in typing the words of your story because I also noticed some misspelled words and words that shouldn't be put together like 'ofcourse' it should be 'of course'.

And also, be mindful of using comma. I've seen some sentences who has more than one comma which is okay but avoid using comma if it is not suitable with your sentence. Never forget to put a period at the end of your sentences.

ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS:

Cheer up! Don't be discouraged on my critique because there's always a way for you to improve. Instead, use this critique as an inspiration for yourself. Every one of us has a story to tell. You are a writer. Not JUST a writer. You have so many potential in writing so never give up! Stay safe! ♡