mad house // book two // jaden hossler xreader

chapter nine

A/n: this chapter has a tw of drug use and abuse, please read with caution. keep in mind that this is a story. Also this is the same day as the other chapter, just thought u should know. Enjoy!

Jaden's POV:

I was outside on the porch.
Smoking.

Say what you want but not hearing from y/n in awhile was giving me anxiety.

I couldn't explain the feeling.
It was like i was devoid of feeling.

I could laugh with the guys, i could smile when listening to anthony talk about avani.
But it didn't feel real.
Nothing felt real.

Fuck this.
The cigarettes weren't strong enough.
Nothing was strong enough.

I needed something stronger.
Heavier.

I dug into my pocket and grabbed my phone.
I called a guy I knew from the past.
I knew he could hook me up.

"How long?"
"Like twenty minutes."
"Okay, thanks man."

I waited on the porch, cigarette in hand.
I was staring off at nothing in particular when I saw the sky.
It was so pretty,
Y/n would've loved it.

Her eyes were so beautiful that I could get lost in them for hours.
Her laugh was contagious and made me smile.
The way her nose scrunched up whenever I said something stupid and she'd shake her head at me,
I saw so much greatness in her.
Y/n was a shooting star, the moon in my sky.

I ruined her.
Imagine the amazing future she'd have without me, had we never met.
I ruined y/n's life.

I felt my eyes begin to well up with tears.
I had fucked up her chance at a decent future because of what? Love?
What did y/n even see in me?

I was a mess, a wreck, a psycho.
I was unloveable by anyone.
So what did someone with her whole life ahead of her see in a douchebag like me?

I wiped my eyes as I saw a car approach.
I shook my head and dug for my money in my pocket.
He got out of his car with a brown paper bag.

"Catch!"

He chuckled and tossed the bag to me.
I caught it and counted up the money as he walked up to the porch.

"How many are in here?"
"Bottle of ten"
"$15 for one?"
"Yep but I'll only charge you for six since it's been awhile, didn't you stop using?"

I paused.

"Yeah ha, didn't need to, had something real for a bit."
"I'm sorry dude..."

Silence.

"...that'll be $90, my guy."

(Here's where the dr*g abuse starts, if you'd like to skip over it , however, it lasts till the end of the chapter.)

I went back inside and took out the bottle, it was an orange bottle with a white label on it. There was nothing on it other than the words "JADAN- 10" in thick, black sharpie marker.
"It's spelt with an E..."

I shook it and saw them all in there. The long white pills. I blinked at them, what if y/n found out? Would she be upset?
Didn't matter.

I went up to the bathroom and sat in the tub.
I just kept staring at the bottle in my hand, I don't know why it seemed to be staring back.

It felt so suffocating just looking at it, like everything was already decided. I couldn't move, my body felt frozen. My eyes were paralyzed on the bottle, I just couldn't make myself do it but I couldn't put them down either.

Why was I so torn? Why couldn't I do it?
Y/n.
She had so much hold over me and she wasn't even her.
I miss her, she would be here if I wasn't so dumb.

Fuck that, I could do this, I didn't want to think about how much I missed her.
I opened the bottle and dumped out one into my hand.
I sighed.

With that, I swallowed it and waited.
Everything felt so light all of a sudden, my head and eyes felt so heavy. I could barely keep my head up.

I laid myself down in the tub, and decided to let the pills overtake me.

A/n : Hey guysss, sorry I was MIA, I honestly thought people stopped reading this but now I'm back at it, writing all new chapters with actual writing skills. I also wanna start other books about not tiktokers and delete some past books (not this one or Asylum, don't worry) anyways hope you guys liked my re-enter into this book!!