Standing In The Sun

Four

Alexei

With the encouragement from the caretaker, I find myself finally taking the few steps forward that I need to in order to present myself in front of my wobbly-lipped Kitten as he tries to convince his nerves that he is indeed brave enough to meet me despite having felt the need to hide earlier... Whether or not it was his nerves that moved the poor Kitten to tears I still have no idea... Either way... I cannot say that I feel unbothered by the redness of his tearstained cheeks or the way his hands are shaking in his lap... 

If I had known that my being late would through him so off-balance I never would have stopped to get him flowers... I just thought that he might enjoy more than just the present I had brought... Because there is a very real possibility that he won't want it or won't want to wear it, which would be a true shame... It had stood out in my mind as something that would look so lovely on him and bring out the color of his eyes that I had had to go back to the jeweler after picking up my rings from being polished that I hadn't even made it out of the parking lot before I had had to turn around and go back inside and get it... Gift-giving is something that I normally try and go slow with... And I am fully aware that a ruby pendant is not taking it slow and not likely something a male would want strung around his neck, whether or not it be strung on a platinum chain... But I couldn't stop thinking about how nice I thought it might look backed against the paleness of his complexion... And it had been too exciting to walk away from...

So I had gotten it for him, and inside the box, there is a note detailing that there are absolutely no strings attached to the stone other than wanting him to feel happy when he wears it... That I do not expect anything he isn't ready and willing to offer up for my taking, even if I continue to bring him gifts... Because I must admit the idea of shopping for him does pull on the back of my mind some nights wondering if he might enjoy that kind of thing... And if he might enjoy the rules that might come with later presents if he does enjoy that kind of thing the same way I do...

I just hope that the offering does not offend him, nor scare him away from me, especially if my late arrival has already left him so upset... There is little I can do to correct the already delicate situation other than take the final few steps forward until I can kneel in front of him to capture his attention. It takes him by surprise, and I find myself blessed with a sweet "Oh!" as his startled still-shaking hands jump up to his chest when he realizes that he himself is my target... 

Oliver

"Hello, Oliver... I'm so sorry I was late." His voice is thick and low as he speaks to me, his accent curling around my ears in a way that only lends to the heat flooding my face... I thought he had only come to reinforce the fact that my family hasn't ever wanted me and now realizes they have a chance to cut ties... But he's come with flowers in hand...I know that I need to say something... I need to open my mouth and make the words come out... I need to say something other than just sitting here staring at him... But I have no idea how to make words come out of my mouth...

 I hadn't expected flowers... I hadn't expected Alexei to even really be real and actually here to see me as in see me... And on my birthday no less... It takes me a moment to try and pull my head from the clouds... To tell myself that the flowers he's holding likely aren't for me... Even if he does set them so gently in my lap only to follow it up with words that make my heart stop, "I wanted to make sure to get you more than just one present for today. One for your birthday... And one to show you how happy I am to finally meet you, Kitten, and what one means what can be up to you."

It makes me want to cry and I don't know what to say... A giftbag gets offered to me and I'm almost afraid to take it from him... He hasn't even taken a moment to actually introduce himself... Instead, he seems so content to focus his effort on overwhelming the rules I had just set in place in my own mind of never letting myself to look forward to anything again to avoid being let down... Because I have not been let down... He said he was coming and he actually showed up and I don't know what to do about it... The yellow and purple blooms that he's laid in my lap... The gift bag he's holding with that pretty black and green pattern... It all seems a little overwhelming, but the flowers are more welcoming than the giftbag seems... So it's those that my hands decide to touch first, their petals entirely too soft... So soft that I find myself backpedaling and instead gently tugging the held bag from Alexei's fingers and feel so very watched while he waits in front of me to open it... Not saying another word while he waits for some kind of response to his generosity... 

I feel like if I open my mouth and try to say something that the only thing that will come out is tears from how shocked I feel over being presented with not only my first guest in what feels like ages but the first birthday present I've ever gotten...Mom and Dad said that you only get presents on your birthday when they happen at home in our family... So I've not had one before from someone outside of the other residents and the occasional staff member, and even then it's been a while...  And on top of those two firsts... He's only late because he wanted to bring me flowers...

Try as I might to keep the tears swelling in my eyes from spilling over... 

Someone came to see me... And I'm pretty sure he might have brought me lilacs...