"Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty."
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Y/N's POV
Flash backward to January 12.
I was silently reading a book while headphones are on my ears, playing a famous soundtrack from BURNOUT SYNDROMES. They say that new year, new resolutions but I actually set no resolutions for this year. I just jumped at exactly 12, wishing to gain more height, probably as tall as Tooru. Christmas lights are still around my room since I'm tired removing them, giving a vintage atmosphere to my surroundings.
That's when I saw Tooru on his phone through my window, crying.
Yes, he has a girlfriend. I don't know the name because he hasn't introduced her yet. Of course, it hurts me every time I will hear Tooru on his phone, arguing with her, suing her with all his might, trying to fix the problem even though he wasn't the one who started the fight. He's so understanding. Volleyball is the main reason for the majority of their fights because the girl kept on asking Tooru for his time. Well, I can't blame her though, they have different priorities in lives.
But this time, it was different.
"Let's talk about this! Don't just give up on me, please..."
I closed my eyes, biting my lip.
He said 'please.' I love Tooru so much to the point I swallowed my pride then I confessed to him the other day, the exact day when he told me he has a girlfriend. It broke my heart, obviously, but it won't make me stop from falling in love with him. Break-up? How I wish, yet that's so mean. Tooru's happy with her and actually, that damned girl is so lucky.
I wish I'm in her shoes.
"Don't break up with me, please! I'm trying, okay?! Do you know how hard it is to balance my time with you yet I'm still trying..."
Oh, Tooru. My poor baby.
"I'm so sorry, love. Please let me make it up to––fuck." She probably ended the call.
Then it was followed by an eerie silence.
After a few seconds, I heard several cries coming from my crush on the opposite house. If he's hurting, I'm damn hurting too. How could the girl break up with someone so precious as Tooru?! He's trying his best to spend time with her, ditching practices just to celebrate their anniversary even if they have a game tomorrow! He did her assignments, he tried to fetch her from school, he bought her everything she wanted...yet this is where they'll end up?!
If she could just have more patience. If she could just understand Tooru better.
If I'm just his girlfriend, he won't cry like this.
I stood up from my bed, opening my window to knock his. He needed someone to lean on, he needed someone to comfort him, to tell him that everything will be alright.
"Tooru," I called.
He abruptly stopped from crying before looking at my direction, shaking his head afterward.
"Please, Y/N. It's not the time for–"
"Cry on me."
It made him stop. Those three words are already enough for him to let me in on his room as I hugged him tightly after. I made no sound, I just listened to his cries, to his woes, to his pain. I let him cry everything out because this is the only way for him to get better. The embrace was warm, very warm to be exact, as I tried to open my ears and harden my heart to avoid any heartaches.
"I loved her so much,"
And I love you so much too, Tooru.
"I tried, Y/N! I tried my best to prioritize her but, I can't just give up volleyball like that. If, If she could just understand the situation I'm in!"
I understand you.
"Tell me, am I ugly? Am I not enough?"
You're more than enough, sweetheart.
"Am I not that handsome?! Am I not that caring?! Am I that stupid?!"
I closed my eyes before biting my lower lip. No, Tooru. You're perfect.
"It...it hurts, goddammit."
He buried his face on the crook of my neck as his tears streamed down on my back. We just stayed like that, hugging each other until he fell asleep, holding my hand. Looking at his figure, I realized how fragile he is. I don't want to pity him but I can't stop myself. He looks so sad and even if he's already sleeping, it still looked like he's in pain. If I could just steal that sadness from him, if I could only be the one to carry that load on his heart, if I could only be the one crying and not him, I already did!
Wiping the extra teardrops trailing on his cheeks, I realized I was crying too. Why? Why is the most person I love is getting hurt by others? Why is the most person I take care the most is getting ruined by other people? Why?! Can't they see how much I adore him? That I will do everything for him? And yet here he is, crying because of a girl that couldn't understand his love for volleyball!
"If you only chose me, Tooru." I put a hand on his cheek watching him sleeping soundly.
If only.
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💌: I was the one who stayed on your side when you were crying because of your ex. I was the one who listened to your woes. I was the one who comforted you and all. I did not do it because you're my crush, but because you're my Tooru. You are my best friend and I can't bear watching you like that. I watched how your tears fell from your handsome face, how your jaw tensed every time you try suppressing your cries. I can't forget the time when you asked me, "Am I not enough? Am I not handsome? Am I that stupid?"
