i wish i were.. (tsukki x yamaguchi) ON PAUSE

4: "im fine"

"i'm sorry what?" suga looks back at tsukishima then back at tanaka, who was back on his knees again.

"how can pole boy get a girlfriend.. BEFORE ME?! HOW?!" tanaka cries. suga immediately looks at yamaguchi, who looked relatively calmed for the situation.

"that's cool" is all yamaguchi said. the coach then came in exactly at that time and practice started.

"hey yamaguchi do you want to talk?" suga approached the boy but he shook his head, not saying a word. "okay. i'll try again later" suga backed off.

there was nothing out of the ordinary during practice that day, only that yamaguchi's serves were a lot harder than usual. there's no way tsukki already has a girlfriend yamaguchi thought as he walked to the locker room. i mean, he's never even mentioned any girl to me. plus i find it really hard for him to actually like a girl. he shook off those thoughts and changed. tsukishima walked in that exact moment, greeted yamaguchi then changed.

yamaguchi just stood there, waiting for his friend to change.

"you ready to go?" after a few minutes, tsukishima was ready to leave. yamaguchi nodded and they both walked outside, going back home.

yamaguchi wanted to know if the rumors are true or not. mostly, he wanted them to not be true.

"so uhh.." yamaguchi started, getting the attention of his friend, "apparently tanaka and nishinoya said you got a girlfriend" he choked out. tsukishima stopped in his tracks and looked down.

"no. i dont." he said then started to walk again.

thank god. yamaguchi smiles and catches up to his friend.

they talk about school on their way home. yamaguchi felt like something was off, but he wanted to believe everything was fine, so he decided to ignore it.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

it was night time, and the boys were in the room talking about a recent video game.

the talk yamaguchi had with suga was in his mind, he wanted to go for it, but he was scared. as tsukishima was rambling about how he couldn't beat the boss in the game, yamaguchi was admiring everything about his friend. he wanted to know how tsukishima feels about him, so he decided to ask.

"hey tsukki do you think i'm annoying?" yamaguchi cuts tsukishima off.

"no." tsukishima replies confused.

"do i bother you?" yamaguchi asks again, this time tsukishima gives him a suspicious look.

"yamaguchi i told you already, you never have, never will bother me." tsukishima replies. yamaguchi stands up and sits next to him.

"are you ever going to abandon me?" yamaguchi looks away when he asks this. tsukishima frowns.

"what? no dude. why would i?"

yamaguchi takes a deep breath in.

here goes nothing..

yamaguchi quickly leans in to tsukishima and places his lips on his friend's. he begins to gently kiss him, waiting for tsukishima's approval.. but the blonde boy doesn't respond at all.

fuck. i messed it up yamaguchi panicked and pulled out. he needed to apologize as soon as possible. "dude i'm so sorry i-"

he was cut off.

tsukishima leaned towards and aggressively pressed his lips onto yamaguchi's. his whole body filled with the burning sensation of euphoria.

all the memories of them together flooded tsukishima's mind. everything coming together. he felt the need to do this, to at least try it out.

yamaguchi is shocked. his mind racing, as well as his heart, he feels like he might explode. this is what he's been wanting. he enjoys the moment.

after a few minutes they both pull out, not knowing what to say to each other.

"okay. good night" tsukishima says then turns off the lights, leaving yamaguchi confused as well.

"yeah.. good night" yamaguchi walks to his own bed, touching his lips. he crawls up to his bed then covers his entire body. all he can think about is that kiss that just happened right now.

he was trying to figure out how to react the next morning. how will i make sure it's not awkward? i'm scared. he fell asleep with that thought in his mind.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

the next morning was too normal. it was as if nothing ever happened. tsukishima wasn't awkward about anything. he did what he usually does and there's literally nothing different about it.

yamaguchi is even more confused.

was it just a dream? he thought to himself as he got ready.

it felt TOO real.

yamaguchi felt like something is wrong. he didn't know how to bring it up. both boys started to make their way to school and no one has mentioned it. yamaguchi decided to take the risk.

"tsukki" he started

"yamaguchi. remember when i responded to your question yesterday? about not having a girlfriend" tsukishima cuts him off and asks.

yamaguchi nods.

"well the thing is, i like her. i think she likes me. i don't know, i'm thinking about asking her out." he says.

yamaguchi's heart broke. he stayed silent.

it took every ounce of force for yamaguchi to keep his composure. he looked at tsukishima and smiled.

"go for it. i bet you guys will make a lovely couple" he flashes a smile and keeps walking. each second that passes by, he feels as if he's getting destroyed on the inside. it burns, it stings, it hurts. he doesn't want to show that to tsukishima. he keeps it all inside, playing it cool.

once they reach school, tsukishima and him part their ways. yamaguchi goes straight to class and tsukishima goes straight to the girl.

tsukishima smiles once he reaches her.

yamaguchi closes his eyes once he sat down on his desk. i've.. gotta pull through..

okay yeah, when someone says that school drags, they mean that school draaaaags. but have you ever went to school heart broken? it's a different type of drag. it's a painful one. especially when you see that person often.

the day is painfully slow. yamaguchi looks up at the clock and he swears on everything a minute turned into an hour. he just wanted to go home.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

school is finally over and it's time for volleyball practice. yamaguchi makes his way to the gym alone and gets ready.

once he finished, he heard the door open. he turned around and suga entered, then quickly walking over to yamaguchi.

"hey dude, are you okay?" he softly asks.

"yeah i'm fine" yamaguchi smiles and walks towards the door. "don't worry about me. i'm doing okay" he turns around and walks out.

suga looks at the now closed door. that boy isn't fine. he is not fine at all. he wanted to help, but he didn't know how to.