Foston Slacks - Time's Flies

4

The punt almost overturned as they landed upon it and a splash caused Clara to look around, trying to steady herself. All she could see was ripples on the water and a punting pole drifting away, no sign of the blue/green wobble in sight. She shrugged a shoulder and turned to the lemur. He had already settled himself down in the prow, gazing around in placid amusement.

"It's gone. The bleach thing." With great care, not wishing to fall into the water, she sat down, tugging her skirt over her knees to protect her modesty.

"Breach. The Breach is gone. Most Breaches are only one way. A lot are temporary, lasting anything from a second to a couple of hours. A few are permanent." The lemur lifted up the lid of a box he found in the prow and lifted out a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

"Yeah. Breach. Whatever. This isn't the Thames, is it?" She glanced around, taking in the Summer sunshine, which was strange, because it had been Autumn when they entered the first Breach. "I mean, it looks like the Thames, but it's not."

"How can you tell?" He popped the cork of the champagne, hooting as the sparkling wine shot out from the bottle. Once the champagne calmed down, he poured some into each of the glasses, handing one to Clara.

"Well, for a start, there's a trombone and a harp canoodling on a blanket over there." She pointed to the river bank as the punt glided by.

"Lyre." Corrected the lemur, sipping the champagne and raising his eyebrows in appreciation.

"I am not! They're right there!" She hated when people thought her dishonest.

"No, no. 'Lyre'. Ell-why-arr-ee. Lyre." The lemur laughed and Clara felt her face burning with embarrassment. "And, no. Clearly, this is not your Earth. 'An' Earth, but not yours."

"Ah, I see." She didn't, but, for some reason, her mind seemed determined to treat everything that was happening with a casual laissez faire attitude. That disturbed her. She should be in a state of gibbering disbelief. Or, at least, a little furious.

She sipped from the glass and became silent while she tried to work out what was actually happening and why she wasn't reacting in a far worse manner than she was. As they floated down the river that was almost, but not quite, the Thames, she took the time to take in the sights of this 'An' Earth.

On the river bank, a large, slightly battered double bass jogged past, huffing and puffing in its exertions. A little further along, a kindly looking jazz trumpet sat upon a bench and tipped its bowler hat towards her in gentlemanly fashion. She didn't know what to do, so, in response, she performed a royal wave and nodded in that slow fashion the Queen used so well to pretend she cared about the people screaming their strange undying love towards her.

"Earlier, when I said I could see that, uh, Breach thing, you seemed surprised." She turned away from a slinky looking oboe, sashaying down the river bank path, drinking in the ogles and wolf whistles from several burly instruments.

"That's because I was. Not many people are able to see the Breaches. Most of us have to use technology to find them." He lifted his hand, pointing at the watch on his wrist. "The chances of finding someone who can actually see the Breaches? Well, the chances of that happening are, ooh, two hundred and thirty seven trillion to one. Give or take a few billion."

"So, I'm pretty unique, then?" She liked the idea of being unique. She tried brushing her hair back, lifting her chin with pride, but her hair didn't move at all, thanks to the dubious amounts of hairspray she had used.

"Not really. We have three back at the office working for us." Pouring more champagne, the lemur then trailed a hand in the water as the current led them on a gentle course downstream.

"Oh." Clara felt more disappointed about that than she expected.

It was always the same, in almost every corner of her life. In everything she attempted, she always showed talent, but never quite enough to get anywhere with it. She could dance. Could have gone to some kind of dancing school. The Royal College, or something. But, when she arrived to audition, she found she was only a little better than everyone else and far worse than the very best. Same with Showjumping.

Faced with a lifetime of being above-mediocre, but never quite good enough, she had fallen towards not even trying at all. Years of hearing 'Oh, little Clara is certainly talented, but so are a lot of girls her age. She will never be among the best', tended to beat the aspiration out of her.

"So, assuming I believe that, 1, I'm not mad and, b, on some alternative Earth, and I'm still trending towards 'bug-nuts crazy', by the way, how do I get back?" With his legs crossed at the heels, stretched out along the punt, the lemur leant his head back and stared into the cloudless sky, appearing not to listen. "Oi! Look, this might all be just another day in your life, but I'm just an out-of-work receptionist from South London. I'd like to get back to normality. Or, what passes for normality in my life."

"We catch another Breach. Then another and another, until we find one that takes us back to your Earth. Shouldn't take more than four or five Breaches to get back." Several pings chirped from his watch and he sat up to look at it. "Speaking of which, we should be about to enter a cluster any second now. What can you see?"

"See? I can see a bloody idiot lemur, a punt and a river. And ... ooh!" She paused and stood, unsteadily, in the punt, staring ahead. "There's loads of them. Big ones, small ones, purple ones, yellow ones. All wobbling in the air, all around."

"Purple! Point to the nearest purple one!" The lemur jumped up, not even slightly unsteady, and stared out across the river.

"Why? What do the purple ones do?" She pointed towards where the nearest purple Breach was, directly in front of the punt. Any second now, they would hit it.

"They take us back to your reality. Although, probably not in the right time period. Or location. Or anywhere safe. But, hey! It's a laugh, right?" He moved beside her, clutching her elbow and stared forward, his eyes wide with excitement. "Now, before we pass through the Breach, you have to step forward. If you don't, if you just pass through it without making the choice to move in that direction, you'll end up staying here. Alone."

"Why does stepping forward make a difference?" She felt nervous, now. The anticipation of having to step forward at exactly the right time placed an inordinate amount of pressure upon her shoulders and she already felt weighed down by everything that had happened.

"I haven't got a clue." The lemur licked his lips, getting ready to step forward.

And then the Breach was almost upon her. She almost hesitated. Even as the lemur's foot lifted and began its step forward, she almost felt like her own leg had transformed into lead. It felt far too heavy for any normal leg and, for a second, she seriously considered whether you could diet for just one leg. But the Breach was there, right in front of her, shimmering and wobbling and making the air look like a see-through purple blancmange.

She was going to miss it! Her leg, her bloody stupid, big, fat, lead leg wouldn't move. She could feel herself panicking and the lemur was already disappearing, becoming indistinct and ghost-like. And then the leg moved. It lifted. It stepped. And the Thames-that-wasn't-really-the-Thames and all those fine looking instruments were gone, leaving something altogether more familiar in its place.