Foston Slacks - Time's Flies

5

Familiar, at least, in that the lemur seemed to know where he was.

"Aha!" Trying to stay upright in the swirling winds of incredible speeds, the pouring sheets of rain and the knee high water, the lemur glared at his watch. "The right Earth! That's the good news."

"What?" Clara shouted, but the wind tore away the words, catching her breath.

She held her hand down to her skirt as the winds clutched and grabbed at her. Her hair stayed in place, standing steadfast against the sheets of rain attacking it. She knew, in absolute certainty, that her new tights were, in fact, now ruined. She didn't even want to consider what the knee high water was doing to her shoes, feeling them sinking into the ground beneath the water.

"I said ..." Screamed the lemur, holding a hand up to his mouth. "Right Earth. The bad news is it's the wrong time and location."

"How can it be the wrong time? And where are we anyway?" She tried to look around. They appeared to be in a swamp of some kind.

"According to my Trans-Temporal, Multi-Dimensional, Reality-Modulated Location and Chronometric Sensor, we're in Louisiana, turn of the nineteenth/twentieth centuries." He pointed at his wrist.

"You mean according to your watch?" Clara had to do something. If she wasn't careful, she could lose a shoe to the sucking mire beneath their feet. "Why can't you just say watch?"

"Because it's not a watch, it's a ..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. A trans-thingamabob, multi-doodah whatchamacallit. It's a watch." She reached down into the water and tried to pull her shoes from her feet while fighting against the oppressive winds. "We can't stay here. I think we're in the middle of a hurricane."

"It's alright. This is Prime Earth. There should be Breaches almost anywhere. Give me a second." Wobbling in the wind, the lemur tapped at the watch and then turned in a wobbling circle. Without saying anything, he pointed in a direction, urging Clara to follow.

Leaning forward against the wind, the two of them forged ahead, trying their best to find the next Breach. Clara still couldn't understand why she felt so calm. This, all of this, was utter madness. Travelling through weird holes in the air to different realities and times (although she had yet to believe the time thing. Saying they'd travelled in time and knowing they'd travelled in time were two different things).

Up ahead, she could see something shimmering in the air. One of those Breaches the lemur had dragged her through. Clutching her shoes to her chest, she began to run. Anywhere, almost, would be better than here. Now soaked, cold and feeling like she'd become dragged through a combined harvester backwards, the only thing she could think of was getting through this Breach and finding herself somewhere far less windy. Perhaps a nice beach somewhere. One where a hunky guy could bring her cocktails.

With a shock, she wondered if her credit card would work even if they did end up on a beach. Or whether she had remembered to bring along her credit card in the first place. Opening her handbag, she stuffed her shoes inside and considered checking her purse. No. The most important thing was getting out of there.

She ran towards the Breach, the lemur shouting something as she neared the wobbling thing in the air. Reaching it, she dived forward, thrusting her chest out as she had seen runners do in all the Olympic Games events, throwing her head back in triumph and ... running straight through, not disappearing anywhere, let alone to a lush secluded beach.

"What happened?" She shouted at the lemur as he caught up with her.

"That's not how it works. Come here." He pointed to the ground at his side on the other side of the Breach. She navigated around the Breach and stood beside him, brushing the rain from her face. "The trick is to stand still and then step forward. It's like Zeno's Paradox, you're moving half-way there and then half-way again and again, never actually reaching the destination until the Breach gets bored, thinks 'Bugger that' and comes to meet you somewhere in the middle."

"None of that makes the kind of sense you think it does. You mean it takes a single step from a standing position." The lemur looked down at her, then, a little respect in his eyes.

"My, you are a clever little thing, aren't you?"

"Second in class. At everything. Literally everything." She steadied herself, faced the Breach and stepped forward.

The big yellow taxi cab swerved to avoid her and the driver screamed several obscenities as he passed by. At least he didn't give her the thumbs-up.

As the rainwater dripped from her onto the asphalt of the street, she knew immediately where they were. The towering man-made canyons. The infernal noise of engines, horns, people shouting and the patter of hundreds of people walking upon the sidewalks.

"Ah! New York! So good they named it New York and not New Bromsgrove." The lemur appeared, not a hair out of place, his suit still in immaculate condition. Italian shoes, dry and shining. "Best get off the street before we're arrested for jaywalking."

They skipped and danced through the lines of traffic to reach the sidewalk and joined the crowds. No-one gave them a second glance, which surprised Clara, considering they had just emerged from nowhere and she, at least, was soaking wet and barefoot.

"How are you not wet? I look like a drowned badger and you look perfect. For a lemur." She reached into her handbag and retrieved her shoes, leaning against the lemur as she returned them to her feet. She felt them squelching. It was not a pleasant feeling.

"Breach reset." He pointed, yet again, to his watch. "The Trans-Temporal, Multi-Di ... the 'watch' resets all settings, including hair, clothing, bodily functions, etcetera, back to what they were upon leaving the last Breach."

"How does that even work?" Clara was no longer happy, she had that sinking, sick feeling that only comes along when one knows the heel of a shoe was perilously close to breaking off. She didn't know if she could cope with that.

"I haven't a clue." The lemur thrust his hands into his pockets and leaned back, looking up above the teeming streets. "Of course, we're on another alternate Earth, but at least this time, it's a similar one. Just ... just don't eat the hot dogs. On this Earth the name is truthfully descriptive."

"So, what now, Breach Boy? Where do we go to continue this reality surfing?" She took small, delicate steps in order to prolong the use of her shoe before it finally coughed its last. At least they weren't her First Cutest. "It may not be a priority to you, but I would, if it's at all possible and not too much of an inconvenience, get back to my own bloody Earth, pretty damned pronto!"

"Alright. No need to get testy."

"Testy?"

"Snooty."

"Snooty?" This was an unfamiliar feeling. She didn't get it very often, usually remaining calm under the most trying of circumstances. Today, was not one of those days. She found herself bordering on the 'quite annoyed'. "Just. Get. Me. Home!"

"That's what I'm doing! See, I know this Earth quite well, it's my hundred and thirty-first favourite, and I know exactly where the Breach is to take you home." The lemur looked rather smug as he spoke. She almost wanted to stab him with her unbroken heel.

"Where?" If this were a cartoon, steam would be escaping from her ears. With the day she'd had, she wouldn't be all that surprised if it did.

The lemur said nothing, only raised his eyes and then a pointing finger. Upwards. She followed the direction of the pointing finger and her eyes widened.

"Oh," she said.

It rather felt like an understatement.