What You Have To Give

10. VERY IMPORTANT CHAPTER (2/3)

Dearest Kate,

I don't know what I'm doing writing this, or how to write this. I don't have any idea. I think this qualifies as a love letter. I don't know Kate.

I'm so sorry Kate. I know you hate me apologising, but I really am. I've been so bad. We went on dates but then I didn't talk to you. I sometimes didn't even think of trying that much. I didn't know it could hurt someone and then my sister - she's called Emma, you'd like her - told me a story about how her boyfriend was getting her down because he'd either be lovely or not bother with her and I thought how bad our 'relationship' was becuase of the way I treated you.

Kate, you're so beautiful. You don't know it but, oh Kate, you are so beautiful. You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. I thought that, when I undressed you yesterday and kissed you only where lovers can and moved inside you. I'm so lucky to have you loving me, and you've told me that you love me and I believe you Kate because I can believe you.

Kate, 'The Deep Blue Sea' was maybe the best time of my life because every day you were there and I don't know because I was just always happy when I saw you, and even when I wasn't with you I just felt happier. My heart stirred in my chest when I saw you and I've felt that before Kate, you see. I felt it with crushes when I was a teenager but I didn't feel the happiness.

The flutterings were the reasons I let you kiss me (and yes, you did kiss me, stop denying it). And the flutterings were the reasons I hugged you and I kissed you and slept with you but I think the happiness is what had me spending so much time with you and calling you up and apologising because I felt so bad. I didn't know why I felt so bad, until Emma sorted that out for me.

Kate, Kate Kate Kate. This feels so one-sided, so horribly one-sided. I want to talk to you about this, about us. Your opinion is so important to me Kate. So important. Oh Kate. So here's the plan. I will have set the alarm for eight, but my body clock will have woken me at around seven. I'll have got up, and breakfast will be ready at eight-forty-five. Please don't come down before then, because I'll be mentally preparing myself and I know that sounds stupid but PLEASE Kate. I'm sorry.

I've been listening to the sound of your breathing whilst writing this and have kissed your beautiful lips so much and every single time I've been terrified that you'll wake up. It was two in the morning when I started and I'm so tired and I just want to cuddle into you again but I have to finish this Kate becuase it is so important.

Kate, you look disappointed every time you tell me that you love me and I don't reply with the same. And I have a reason. I don't want to tell you that I love you until I'm sure. Are flutterings in my chest and happiness enough to go on Kate? I've been so scared of saying those three words because they carry some responsibility, some commitment for me and I didn't know if I wanted that.

I love you Kate Langdon and I've said it now. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Tom xxx

A/N

I wrote that all in one sitting whilst watching 'Wallander'. I'm sorry it's short and everything. But that's all I want to say in that chapter. I'm very pleased with how it turned out, so I'm happy.

Okey byeeee.

Loads of love, HiddlesLover1 xx