Love's Rapture

Kelly: Our Field

The day after Breton's funeral, I rode my bike to his house and leaned it up against the garage. I knew his family wouldn't mind since they'd invited me over for dinner, but my destination wasn't their dining room. It was our field.

I reached the back yard when I heard someone open the sliding glass doors. When I turned and saw Talon, I felt my rage start to boil. Instead of staying and uttering a single word, I continued walking. I didn't get far before the sound of someone running ended with a cold hand on my arm, spinning me and forcing me to confront them.

"What do you want?" I spit out. Talon may have been two years younger than me, but he was a lot bigger. He was already taller than Breton was, and he was about to surpass his dad, too. It wasn't only his height, though. His body looked powerful from having played football for so long, and his size only served to intimidate me, which I was pretty sure he was trying to do since I had no personal space.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked with more venom in his voice than I'd had in mine.

"Do what?" I shot back.

"Why did you have to tell him to come with me? He should have stayed home and done his stupid chemistry homework!" He was yelling now.

"You're blaming me?" I was shocked. I felt all of the hurt over losing Breton at the surface of my being, and his brother thought I was to blame? Was his whole family blaming me? Should I have been blaming myself?

"Of course, I am! You told him to come with me; he told me you did!"

I took a step back, finding that he still had his hand wrapped around my arm. With tears already filling my eyes, I jerked my arm away from Talons grip and took another step backward. Something changed in his face, but I wasn't sure what, and I didn't care. I didn't want to stay to find out, so I turned and walked away, toward the path that would take me to our field.

When I arrived, I walked out to the middle of the clearing and sat down. Breton thought this place used to be a part of someone's farm since a small house was only a few minutes' walk from here. If it had been, it was years ago because the ground was soft and covered in beautiful green grass. No one had tilled this land in a very long time, and I was thankful. Eventually, as the year went by, the grass would continue to grow, and finally, I'd be able to lay on my back and be hidden from the world. It was beautiful and comfortable. I imagined myself in a cocoon.

I moved to lay on my side and stared at the place Breton should have been.

"I miss you," I said to him. "It's only been five days since I saw you, and I already miss you."

No one answered me, but I imagined him telling me he missed me, too. That it would be okay because one day we would be together again.

"How am I supposed to go through the rest of my life without you?" I asked.

Day by day. He would have said. You have to take it one day at a time.

So that's what I did. I took it one day at a time and barely made it through.

My first day back at school was overwhelming. There were kids I didn't know well, telling me how sorry they were to hear that I lost Breton, but hearing his name all day out of the mouths of strangers only served to anger me. Why was it that everyone was best friends with the person that died? As if they didn't have anyone to defend them after death?

"I'm sorry, do I even know you?" I asked a girl that was telling me about how great Breton was. It wasn't her fault. She just happened to be the twentieth person that day to tell me a story about my boyfriend as if I hadn't known him for myself.