Bay City Runaway

Chapter 15

(2007)

The Librium was supposed to prevent me from experiencing some of the side effects of alcohol detox, but I was still having terrible shakes, sweating, and nausea. Amy had not left my side. She said little but tended to me. She brought me chocolate malt milkshakes to ease the discomfort from the lack of sugar in my body, which the alcohol had caused me, and slow my weight loss. She wiped my hot forehead with cool, damp rags. She read to me about AA.

The next morning, a knock came. Amy met Kyra at the door and let her in.

"Hey," said Kyra, tilting her head and giving me a sincere look of sympathy. "How's the patient?"

"Amy," I said, "Can you give us a moment?"

I wasn't sure how she would respond to this, given her declaration of love to me. I worried she might be jealous of Kyra, but instead, she gave Kyra a tight hug, said, "Thank you," and left closing the door behind her.

"Hey," I said. "I owe you a thank you, too,"

She pushed my hair away from my forehead and said, "You don't owe me anything."

"No, I mean it. I owe you my life, Kyra. The doctor tells me that I would have died if you hadn't found me when you did."

She sat down in the chair beside my bed and handed me a small package wrapped in red wrapping paper and a gold bow.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Merry Christmas," she said.

I unwrapped it to find a small, white ceramic angel.

"An angel?" I said.

"I just feel there is an angel in your story. "

"Thanks," I said, but resentment settled in my heart at the sight of it--not for Kyra, but for an unjust God.

"Ok, well, Merry Christmas. I can take it back if you want."

"No. I'll hold on to it," I said, setting it aside on the bedside table.

"So, what are you going to do next?" she said.

"I'm going to fight this, Kyra. I'm not going to ever let this happen again."

When I had awoken from my stupor the night before, something had changed in me. I awoke with fight in me, something I had not had for many years. I felt that I was ready for a change. I wondered if Heath's guru had been right if I would ever drink again. It seemed impossible, but the timing was uncanny, enough to want to try to fulfill his prophecy.

She squeezed my hand and asked, "How can I help?"

"I don't know. The doc said that Alcoholics Anonymous had helped many of his patients, but I just don't know if I can do that."

"Why can't you do that? If it could help, why wouldn't you do it?"

I grabbed my phone and pulled open the web browser where I had been reading the Twelve Steps.

"There's a lot of God stuff in here." Even the word God caused my insides to burn a little.

"And you don't believe in God?"

"No, I believe in God."

"So, what's the problem?"

"It's complicated. My life this last year has been shit. If God is so great, why would he let all of this happen to me? To Laura?"

I looked away. I knew that I would have to talk about this with someone eventually, but I was feeling miserable enough as it was.

"Laura?"