Love together be with you never (by tesxdols)

T w e n t y

Being at home, for Ethan, is like being able to breathe again. Even if the ride home hadn't been exactly pleasant. Four hours alone in a car with Cameron and her shitty music and her texting so much that Ethan confiscates her phone because that's illegal and dangerous isn't ideal for anyone. But as soon as he's home, his mother hugs him and it makes up for the rest of it. He also gets to sleep. No matter how comfortable he gets in his dorm room, it's just not the same as being in his bed. Having an entire room to himself. No Grayson snoring beside him. Blissfully, happily, wonderfully, completely alone. He can't imagine anything better. That's what he tells himself, at least, but that first night, even though he doesn't get home until about one in the morning, he lies awake for what feels like hours, the silence in the room unbearable. "How did your exams go?" his mother asks at breakfast. Ethan yawns and sips his coffee, infinitely better than the stuff they serve at the coffee shop on campus. "Better than I thought. Still stressed over them, but I think I did alright." "Of course you did," she says, with the kind of proud, sincere conviction that only a mother can manage. "And how are your friends? The two you told me about." "Crazy," Ethan says, smiling into his coffee. "But good. Maybe they'll come visit this summer." "I'd love that." Probably because Ethan's never really brought anyone home, ever. Except Max, once or twice, but they always snuck in, and he never wanted to meet Ethan's family, no matter how many times Ethan begged him. Which, looking back on it, isn't all that surprising. Just as he always does, Ethan refuses to allow that train of thought to go any farther. He cuts off the tracks, hits the breaks on it, and forgets that Max ever flitted across his mind. "And what about your roommate?" his mother continues. "Are you two finally settling your differences?" If settling their differences means fucking the hatred out of each other until Ethan accidentally started to develop feelings for Grayson, feelings that he still doesn't want to dwell on because they make him sick to his stomach, then yeah. They settled their differences, all right. "Something like that," Ethan mutters. "I'm glad to hear it," his mom says. "And I'm glad you're home." "Me too," Ethan admits. "Really glad." His father is already at work, but he'll be back later in the day. And the two of them spend the morning and afternoon first eating breakfast, then doing a bit of grocery shopping (Ethan offers to go, just to get out of the house and have something to do). The night is spent in the kitchen, helping his mom cook, and then at the table, having a family dinner the way they always do. Afterwards Ethan's dad invites him to watch sports, and Ethan asks him to explain football to him (which he does, but Ethan's still mostly lost). When he gets to bed that night, he lies awake for hours, until eventually he pulls out one of his books. When he falls asleep, it's with the lights on and the book open on his chest.