Love together be with you never (by tesxdols)

T w e n t y T w o

While the break was nice, it's just that; a break. Eventually he has to pack up and head back to school, but he's not dreading it as much as he thought he would. In fact, there's a small part of him, no matter how much he denies it, that's... looking forward to it. Not just getting back to class, or seeing Lance and Henry. There's a part of him that can't wait to get back to his room. To flop onto his bed and maybe find Grayson in his own. His room is empty when he gets there, though. Grayson hasn't been back yet, apparently, because there's a staleness in the air that says it hasn't been touched in days. Ethan flicks on the light, tosses his bag onto the bed, and cracks the window with effort. The snow on the ledge and the ice on the glass makes it difficult, but he manages to get it open an inch or two, and he leaves it like that, even if the air that drifts through is freezing. He'll shut it later. Lance and Henry aren't getting back until later tonight, so Ethan busies himself with putting his stuff away, and then he goes about cleaning the room, even Grayson's side. The guy across the hall, Jeremy, has a broom that Ethan borrows, and he sweeps under both beds, and then he makes both of them again because Grayson doesn't make his bed right, and it still looks messy. He gathers up all the extra pens and pencils he'd found under Grayson's bed, some of them his own, some not. He's pretty sure he's never actually seen Grayson touch a pencil or pen, so it's a bit confusing to find that many loose around the room when they're not his own, but whatever. He opens the bottom drawer of the desk, going to put the pencils and pens in the pencil case, but he stops when he finds a wrapped present inside. It's not very big, and the wrapping job is horrendous. He almost slams the drawer shut, because this is such an invasion of privacy, but then his eyes land on the little sticker at the top with Ethan scribbled on it. Carefully, Ethan pulls it out, dropping the pens and pencils loosely into the drawer. He nudges it shut with his foot and sinks onto Grayson's bed, looking down at the package in his hands. Experimentally, he shakes it. Nothing happens. It feels like plastic, possibly, underneath the wrapping paper. And it gets weirdly bulbous in some spots. Grayson bought him a gift. Grayson got him a Christmas present. Ethan doesn't know what to do with that information. He can't figure out why Grayson would do that because, from what Ethan knows, Grayson doesn't like him. But apparently he does, enough to get him a gift. Ethan hadn't even considered getting Grayson one. Does that make him an ass? No, he doesn't think so. This is so out of the blue, he never could have seen it coming. In fact, if he wasn't holding the present right at this moment, he wouldn't believe it. The door to the room opens, and looks up sharply. Grayson steps inside, duffle bag slung over one shoulder. His eyes slowly fall to the present in Ethan's hand, and he drops the bag with a thump, crossing the room in seconds. He tugs it out of Ethan's fingertips, heat rising to his cheeks. "Is that- did you really get me something?" Ethan asks, wide-eyed and flustered. Too shocked to school that tone in his voice. "No," Grayson spits. His face goes from a mask of embarrassment to one of anger. "You always tell me not to go through your shit. Don't go through mine." "I wasn't-" "Then how did you find this?" Grayson demands. "I was cleaning," Ethan defends weakly. "I didn't mean to find it." Grayson's eyebrows draw together. He turns the gift over and over in his fingers before dropping it in Ethan's lap. "Whatever, have it. I meant to give it to you on the night of the Christmas party, but you'd left." Guilt threatens to strangle him. "I didn't know," Ethan says. "I-" "Don't worry about it," Grayson says. "It's- it's not even for you, really. It's for me. You're always pissing me off, leaving the lights on when I'm trying to sleep, so I figured this would make my life easier. If you actually use it, but - whatever." Methodically, Ethan peels away the wrapping paper. Underneath he finds a one of those lights that you clip onto books and things, for late night reading and the such. He's gotten more than one of these from his parents, actually, but they were always cheap. This doesn't look that cheap. And it's not the best gift in the world, but it's still- "Thank you," Ethan says, trying to sound as genuine as he can because he means it. He clears his throat. "But I, um, didn't, like... I didn't get you anything." "Whatever," Grayson says again. "That's not all I wanted to talk to you about that night." Ethan blinks up at him. Just like the day with the paint, Ethan can feel it, the change that's about to happen. It's not a literal thing, it's this gut twisting feeling. "What is it?" Grayson looks awkward, one of his hands running through his hair. "We can't do - we can't hook up anymore." It's like Grayson's punched him in the stomach, only he's too far away from Ethan for that to be possible. "Why not?" he asks, calm and collected. He's proud of himself for that. "I don't think my girlfriend would appreciate it much if I was fucking my roommate," Grayson says flatly. "Now d'you think you could get off my bed?" "Girlfriend." Ethan bunches up the wrapping paper and clutches it and the gift tightly in his hands as he stands up. "When did that happen?" "Recently," Grayson says vaguely. "Not that it's any of your business." Ethan winces at the tone in his voice, but then he reverts back to himself. Before he ever considered that maybe he might like Grayson. Before he ever stopped looking at Grayson as someone he hated and started looking at him as something else. "Like I give a shit about your relationships," he scoffs. "Figured you wouldn't," Grayson says with a shrug. "Just thought I'd let you know." "It's not like I ever initiated that shit anyways," Ethan finds himself saying. He hurts, is the thing. He didn't see any of this coming, and the emotional whiplash from the last couple minutes is taking its roll. Fuck, five minutes ago he was blindingly happy because Grayson had cared enough to get him a gift. And now he feels this horrible, sinking in his stomach because Grayson doesn't need him anymore. He's got someone else. And he wants to hurt Grayson right back. "It was always you, wasn't it? Like, you always kissed me first. You're the one who always started it. I just went along with it because-" He cuts off with a shrug, not sure how to finish that. "You're right." Grayson's face is a blank, emotionless mask. "It was always me initiating it. So I guess it doesn't matter to you if I call it off." "Not one bit." "Didn't think it would." Grayson crosses the room, kicks his own bag out of the way, and storms out the door. Ethan is so, completely confused. But he doesn't want to care. No, he doesn't care. Grayson's done with him, and you know what? Ethan is done with Grayson. He's fucking done. He can't believe there was ever even a second where he might have wanted - no. Never again. Grayson can go to hell. Ethan doesn't need him, anyway.