A RAY OF LIFE

4.

I rested my head on the headboard which was cold steel. My head was still bouncing a little from inside. Apart from that, I couldn't feel any pain, not even my usual back ache or swollen feet. I put a hand on my baby and my eyes filled with salty water just with the fact that I actually killed it.
"I'm....I'm sorry baby...mama is so...so sorry....don't hate mama ohkay...mama loves you" I couldn't stop but pour out my apologies to it. Angela was right, I was stupidest person in the world for taking that cruel step. I closed my eyes with anticipation the moment I felt some movements inside my bump. Although she said it was alive, I still couldn't believe her until I felt it myself.

Darkness and negetivity overpowers you this way that you don't think rationally. It makes you selfish in a so wrong way that you, instead of loving yourself and your circumstances, start fighting everything around you. And LIFE becomes one of your enemy. I wiped my tears off and slipped down by now resting my head on the soft white pillow, without leaving my hand from my baby, in search of little peace of mind.

But it was futile to search for peace when the facts, that you are a ghost and that two god workers are searching for solutions to send you back on Earth, won't let your mind stop from thinking all these over and over again and raise various different questions. I started questioning my mental health as well, as Angela said I was depressed already and pregnancy mood swings added cherry to the cake. I started feeling like I got personality disorder or some neurotic delusional disease which is making me imagine all these stuffs and characters. I was going crazy with what's real and what's fantasy. I needed  a strong and instant check, like...like if I close my eyes and then when I'll open it, whatever will be in front of me will be REALITY.

I did. I closed my eyes shut tightly, held the baby, asked it not to panic, and opened it slowly...like peeking stealthily and all I could find was yet again...same things. Same white dull room with no furniture except this one bed I was laid upon. I snorted in grieve as nothing was solving out. I started thinking other plans to assure myself about what's happening.

"We told you it's not your imagination. It's real..." Oh..he is back again reading my mind.

" Don't read my mind all the time...please.." I yelled finally and to my surprise, he started laughing in response. The He-Christ is totally insane.

"You poor little humans..." Laughed again. I closed my eyes and made a tight fist to ignore my anger. Baby has heightened my emotions.

"Leave the girl alone..." Angela said entering the room. Reminded me of Dashing Woods. Forget him, forget him, he won't be even caring about my death or whatever thing.

"Umm....dashing woods huh...who is he..father of your baby?"
I need to file a lawsuit against this man. Invading my privacy all the time.
He kept nodding his head and laughing all this time. I'm dead meat, telling you.

"Iris...focus here now"  she snapped in front of my face and pointed at her, while joining me on the bed. This time, Cruel He-Christ put his chair a little closer to the bed, still a feet or two afar, and sat on it with his legs crossed. His focus was on me. Scary!

"So....so you guys....came up with idea? Or something?" I asked what I zoomed out of their faces as they both were looking weirdly at me. Angela seemed bit scared and tensed while Lucifer was in his calmed-cold state.

"Yeah actually, it's Lucifer's department so I don't get a say in this but he did come up with the solution" she said looking at him and then back at me. She was scaring me now, to be honest.

"Which is....?" I asked insisting on them to end the suspense now.

"a morte in vitam" he said while putting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his palms, focusing on me with his little sharp eyes straightway now.