Corrupted Innocence

Late nights

It was past 1 am, Mayla sat in her bed with a cool pack held to her rips and one pressed against her cheek. She watched Netflix in a hopeless attempt to distract herself from the earlier events. It wasn't the first time that he had hurt her and it wouldn't be the last, she was painfully aware of that. Since her mother's death he was so angry all the time that once in a while he had to take it out on her. She provoked him, it wasn't all his fault, she thought. Mayla hated her loose mouth but couldn't help it.

Suddenly the moving lights on her screen stopped dead, freezing a character mid-sentence. Soon after a little turning line appeared, indicating that Netflix was loading at 22%. "Awesome... damn wifi", Mayla mumbled frustrated. She regretted having said anything immediately as it stung in her cheek, actually most of her face hurt in general right now but it was even worse when she spoke.

Her mind wandered off back to the events of the earlier day, Paulson's mysterious hint. She had to know the whole thing he had considered telling her at first. Clans of the city, she thought about it and opened another tab on her laptop. Googling "clans" but the information weren't specific at all and couldn't help her. So, she closed the tab again with a sigh.

Damn, she was a quitter... It had crossed her mind too often already but now that her father had said it once more, it was even more present for her. Her father had been right. She had always been a quitter. It was a wonder that she finished high school. The wonder had been her best friend who helped her managing the school stuff all the way. Sadly they had lost contact about a year ago. Mayla stared blankly at the loading circle on her laptop.

Something blinking next to the laptop on her bed caught her attention, it was her phone. She checked it surprised to see that it was a text from Cody, asking how she was doing.

Mayla stared at the phone screen for a moment then she typed how she felt, letting her heart speak, she wrote that she was so alone and felt guilty about her mother's death and that her father agreed on it. She explained that she struggled with a lot at the moment and felt like such a let-down, she told him she wished they would have killed her instead of her mother. She told him that she didn't know how long she could stand her father's hate and how much she felt like she ultimately deserved it.

And then she deleted it all. Typing only "A bit tired but fine and you?". Silent tears flowed down her cheeks as she pressed send. It wasn't what she wanted to do but she couldn't send the other one. Cody seemed so far away and crying out to him felt wrong.

She seemed to be a quitter on friendships too, it came to her mind. The only friend she still was kind of in touch with was Cody, only via Instagram and sometimes Whatsapp though. He had moved away for college almost two years ago. It was funny to send memes to each other and text a bit once in a while. But Mayla didn't dare to bring up the heavy topics. And often when he asked she simply replied that she was fine. If Cody believed her or simply didn't want to pressure her wasn't clear for her. But he didn't share anything deep or heavy either so maybe that simply was how their relationship was now.

Felix, who had helped her so much with school and who had meant so much to her, they lost contact a year ago. After finishing school they had met a few times but then none had texted anymore and it was just over.

Then there had been Pia, they hadn't been as close as Felix and her but still she had liked her and it had been fun to spend time together. Or maybe only Mayla enjoyed it, she wasn't sure because as soon as she had stopped texting first seven months ago, Pia never made any attempt to stay in touch.

Her mind wandered to Jane, such an awesome person, they had met up monthly and it was so great with her. Until she suddenly had been so busy and Mayla had been very tired and exhausted and now they hadn't met or texted for five months. Mayla wanted to text or call but probably Jane didn't want her too, right? If she would want it Jane would have done something, right? Mayla wasn't sure and if she was honest, she simply didn't know what to say, everything had went to hell since they talked last. Would Jane recognize her? Mayla often didn't when she looked into the mirror.