Spark

26 | I Can't Be With You

You're too sweet for me-Hozier

My brows furrow and the scowl on my face deepens at an amused Miles. The doctor next to me, performing tests on my hurt shoulder simply continues to ask me questions whilst she lifts and continuously examines. 

Miles had not given me the chance to argue and had driven straight to the hospital the instant we got out of the school's parking lot. I was planning on  coming here anyway but the fact that he'd done it without asking for my opinion irks me. Defying him is also a natural part of me now, so that might be contributing to the ugly facial expression I'm shooting in his direction at the moment. 

"Okay, Starr," The petite woman next to me chirps and I force my gaze away from Miles and turn to her with a smile. "It doesn't look to be anything serious. Just ice it for a bit for the next couple of days and you should be good."

I sag in relief, glad that it is nothing intense and that I don't have to go through the horrible experience of biting down on a pillow while they attempt to pop a dislocated shoulder back into place. 

"Thank you." I give a more genuine smile this time as I hop off the small bed I'd been sat on. 

She gives a tight smile and nods before grabbing her clipboard and walking out, leaving me and the undeniably annoying guy I'd come here with alone. 

"Aren't you just thrilled it's nothing serious," He drawls, picking up my jacket from the armchair I'd tossed it on. I do my best not to roll my eyes at his teasing tone as he wraps the jacket around my arms and much too willingly helps me into it. "On a scale of one to ten, rate your p–"

"Seven." I bite out, lightly bumping into him as I exit the room. 

He soon catches up to me with his long strides and begins to guide me along the somewhat crowded hallways until we get to the parking lot. 

"Home or the diner you've got an unhealthy obsession with?" He asks when we've both climbed into his car.  

I open my mouth to give a snappy response when his phone begins to ring in the cupholder. My eyes dart to it before he snatches it and my chest constricts at the name I'd seen on the screen.

Veronica. 

I suddenly want to walk back into the hospital. Crawl even because the pain is spreading across my thorax like some virus. My arms instictively fold across my chest, like that will somehow shield me from the pain this boy is obviously very capable of causing me. I stare out my window and do my best to rest my gaze on one of the many vehicles in the lot. They all blur into one. 

"Vee?" 

My breath hitches due to the noose around my neck and I subconsciously take a breath. 

"What? No...I'm not home," He sighs and I hear a light thud, that suggests him placing his head against his window. "Seriously? I haven't got the time for this."

And then, there's a click that indicates the end of the phone call.  

"Sorry about that, I–"

I don't look at him. I'm settling my gaze on that turquoise van a few cars down. It's got a ridiculous animation on it and the slogan Do It Now graffitied beneath the character in the most painfully unacceptable blend of colours. It's almost screaming at me with how much it appears to pop out of the side of the van. 

The noose around my neck seems to tighten and I can hear Miles rambling next to me but once again, it's like white noise. My breath becomes enunciated and I whip around to face the boy next to me. 

"Do you like me?"

I'm somewhat afraid of what his response will be. 

He looks like he's been caught offguard and I watch as his brow lifts. "What?"

I grit my teeth and force the question out once more. "Do. You. Like. Me?"

"Of course I like you," His answer is so seamless it almost upsets me. "Like being an understatement."

"Then what are you doing?" I almost scream. "Don't you see how much I like you?"

He blows out a frustrated breath and runs his fingers through his hair. "Let's not do this today."

"When are we going to do this then?" I choke out and my bravado almost deserts me when I realise the tears building up in my eyes. 

I watch as his expression grows torn and he clicks out of his seatbelt to reach over. "Galaxy, don't you dare let those tears slip." No sooner do the words leave his mouth do my tears make their graceless appearance. 

He lets out an audible groan and pulls me over and straight into his lap so easily, it elicits a small gasp from me. "I can't be with you, Starr."

The noose around my neck loosens and I'm sucker punched by an invisible force in the gut instead. Nothing is more pathetic than this situation. Getting rejected by the only male specimen I've truly ever been fixated with while on his lap, in his car, crying like some toddler that's been denied candy. 

"Because you like Veronica?" I can't help the bitterness that laces my voice. "Or is it the blonde girl that follows you everywhere?"

His brows furrow, making his blue eyes almost intimidating. "Adria? I don't like either of them."

"Right," I scoff. "And you don't like me either."

"Starr," He groans, settling his forehead on my shoulder while his arms wrap around my waist. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You're already doing that."

"But it'll be so much more worse if we happen," His words are almost muffled against my clothes. "I don't want to hurt you like he hurt her. I can't fix that for you if I do."

"Like who hurt who?"

He raises his head and peers up at me through his unbelievably thick and long lashes. "Like my dad hurt my mom. I don't want to put you through that pain."

I shake my head as realisation slowly dawns on me. "That's not your choice to make."

He leans back in his seat and his eyes mold with mine in some odd way I cannot explain. "Do you realise just how much I care about you? I need you, Starr. And I'm terrified of the idea that you might need me the same way, because I know how much It'll kill me if something ever happened to you. I know I'll die in some deep, twisted way within and I...I can't have you feeling these things too. I can't have you losing everything that makes you Starr because of me."

I thought my breath was lost before but his confession does nothing but take away all the elements that make up the air around us. 

I stare at Miles. I stare at his thick and full brows. I stare at his perefectly molded cheekbones. I stare at his full lips. I stare at his electrically fueled blue eyes, and I stare at his long brown hair. 

He becomes much more familiar than before.

I reach out shaky hands and cup his cheeks, not missing the way his eyes seem to darken at my touch. Slowly, I lean forward and press my lips to his.

It's awkward at first. My lips rest against his and a beat passes. But even through the awkwardness of the situation, we mold perfectly. Miles and I. We both shine. 

His lips part and no artist could perfect the art that we become. The kiss becomes slow, then fast. Loving and frantic. His hands tighten on my hips as he pulls me closer to himself, his tongue reaching out to lightly stroke against mine. 

This is the first time I've ever kissed Miles and it's nothing and everything like I imagined it would be like all those years ago. 

It's so much better, yet so much worse.

Because I think I might never get to taste the peppermint on his tongue again.