Rainbow Land - Miley Cyrus (Girl x Girl) (Boy x Girl)

Chapter 2 - Mother's Daughter

My dad says I could sing before I could talk, if that's possible. I was always humming and things like that. 

Singing is really the only way for me to make sense of things. Most public personas have such a natural ease in interviews and in front of the cameras, but that's never been me. I've never come off the way I desire to. Even the way I've been coached to. You can really hire professional coaches for these sorts of things. There's even a whole team of producers at all these talk shows that work to mine you for interesting details and fun facts, and figure out what stories and games would make you and the host look the best. Very few of these games make me look very good at all, much to my manager's chagrin. 

You can see it on my face, I'm always taking stabs at being effortless, but it comes off stilted. My agent really should stop me from doing anymore talk shows. I need more friends. That's what I'm really working on right now. 

Stella was a friend once. Then she became something that helped with missing something else. Then she became a relief. 

"I don't really know how you do it." she told me. 

"You're talking like you want to ask me something." 

We walked together for a few quiet moments around set. It was a miracle that we got to be alone like this, and Stella had been waiting for me all day in my trailer. It was nice to have someone there, someone waiting on me, rather than waiting on someone else. Sometimes change is welcome. 

"Somedays it seems like you're really here, and here with me, and that you love and care for me" said Stella.

"And on the other days?"

"You tell me" she said. 

I looked at her and searched for an answer but was unable to come up with anything true. I think I do a lot of things other people wouldn't do, but I almost never lie. 

Our moment of privacy and escape from set was over, as we started to head closer towards my trailer. It was a quiet and still night, just the perfect amount of breeze. I could feel Stella looking at me out of the corner of my eye but I avoided her gaze. In return she pulled me closer to her. I think we were mostly together because of her insistence, but that's okay. Sometimes you need someone to insist on pulling you away from yourself. 

"How do you... conceive of me?" she asked. Almost like a wounded animal. "What is this?"

I immediately wished she hadn't said anything at all. Stella's eyes met mine, continuing to search for an answer I was completely unwilling to give. I'm not sure I ever really wanted to be anyone's. I can't be anyone's everything. I'd never be enough. 

I did the only thing I could do, and kissed her. For as much as I was unable to say to her verbally I was able to patch things over with a kiss. It's a powerful feeling to have this sort of control over someone, and it certainly doesn't lend itself to a healthy power dynamic. I felt I could make Stella do or say almost anything. For a moment as she held me with all the love she had inside her, I had the feeling she might even die for me. 

"I want you" she whispered into my ears.

It's impossible to deny Stella's magnetism. She has that pull and power that all Victoria's Secret models wield at their own discretion. Usually they use it on men, or in a way that they can quickly monetize. It's a rush to know that right now, it's all for me. 

I love walking around with her and watching people stare. There's no part of her they don't like looking at. What does it mean that it makes me feel so much better about myself to see her hunger for me in her eyes? Her desire is like holding up a mirror to myself, a mirror that reminds me that I am worth something, and worthy of love. 

I allow myself this moment and give myself permission to be kissed and wanted. To let her hold me with this much tenderness and passion. She caresses my face and my hair and pulls my center towards her own. For a moment I really am able to lose myself too. This is the gift she keeps giving. The gift I am unable to refuse. 

With a flash to my right I'm pulled out of this momentary bliss. It's a camera nearby. It's surprising that they got onto set, but not unusual. Stella looks more frightened that me which makes me laugh. I've got nothing to hide but the personal invasion is certainly unwelcome. I take some solace in the reality that young girls might see me kissing a girl and know that it's okay. Maybe I can give them a tiny sliver of permission that will help them be brave. 

The second assistant director is calling my name. They must know I'm with Stella if they're granting me this privacy. Normally someone would be barging into the trailer. The cameras are ready to roll again. I want to thank her for what she is to me, but don't know how to say it. How to even tell her without obviously hinting that my heart is somewhere else. 

For now, I just kiss her cheek and let her whisper in my ear. 

"I'll see you at home?" she pleads. 

"Yeah, I'll see you there." I flag down a Production Assistant and ask her to get Stella a car, but before I can ask her the question, she tells me I've got a visitor on set. I already know who it is before she can finish the sentence, but it doesn't keep my head from spinning. 

"Miley, Ariana Grande is here to see you."