Thunderlight

How to Get Rid of a Country Bumpkin

"Here, eat this!"

Montgomery swats Lenny's hand away without looking. "Get that out of my face; I'm not gonna eat it."

"It's an oran berry. It'll help you feel better!"

Lenny keeps poking his face with the fruit, using a sing-song voice to try and coax him into eating it. Montgomery stares at the path straight ahead of them and wishes Zekrom would come and kill him.

As he anticipated, bringing Lenny along was a huge mistake. So what if Lenny knows how to cook better than Montgomery ever could? So what if these berries maybe, just maybe, soothe his aching? It's not enough to distract from how annoying Lenny is. Everywhere they go, Lenny has to babble on about how "amazingly perfect" everything is.

That rock? Fantastic!

The lake? Gorgeous!

The clouds? So fluffy!

Before this, Montgomery thought he was pretty good at tuning people out. He's had lots of practice, ignoring the dull prattling of his father's boring allies. But Lenny takes chattering to a whole new level. He always has something to say about something. It's driving Montgomery up a wall. Whatever happened to just being around each other in stifling silence? He does that with his family all the time!

Not only is Lenny annoying, he's already proven detrimental to his quest. Just yesterday, Lenny completely distracted them from their mission because he saw some flowers. They were supposed to be milling around town and gathering information on Zekrom's possible whereabouts—which, Montgomery was doing, thank you very much—when suddenly Lenny was gone. It took him an hour of racing around town frantically searching before he found Lenny making flower crowns with some kids in a field. It wasn't even a good flower crown.

After travelling with Lenny for a grand total of three days, Montgomery has come to a conclusion: he can't do it anymore. He has to get rid of Lenny, somehow, before he goes insane.

But how?

"If you eat the berry, I won't make you eat no more," Lenny promises. Hah! Fat chance of that. Lenny's been saying that all day, pressuring him to eat just one more berry each time. When Montgomery shoots him a look that says he knows better, Lenny grins sheepishly. "Well, maybe I won't."

"I'm not eating it."

"Why not? I know you like them."

Montgomery sputters. "I do not!"

Lenny holds the berry up to his mouth, making his tone light and cheery, like he's talking to an infant. "Come on, here comes the Zekrom! Nyooooooooooom...."

Before he can smack Lenny away again, the bushes alongside their path rustle. Out of the foliage leaps a drilbur with a bandana around their face, pointing a claw viciously at them. Montgomery shoves Lenny back to deflect the claw with a scalchop.

Lenny yelps and the drilbur looks just as shocked. It all happened so suddenly that he almost didn't realize what he was doing until it happened, but when his mind catches up to his body, he realizes that the drilbur in front of them is likely a bandit looking for someone to mug. And the poor bastard chose them: a water type and a grass type. This robbery won't go well.

Shooting power through his shell, he knocks the crook back. They stagger and fall in the dirt, the bandana flying clean off their face. Startled by the quickly turning tides, the bandit snatches their handkerchief and hastily flees the scene.

No use in chasing them. They're small fry, likely just some petty looter. Montgomery sighs, rolling his shoulders and sheathing his shells. The fight, over and done in an instant, wasn't really that remarkable. It was more of a nuisance than anything. But Lenny stares at him in awe, as if he just accomplished some heroic feat. In all honesty, he isn't sure how he feels about that. It swirls some feelings of confidence yet apprehension inside him, like he's waiting for Lenny to suddenly take it back. No one's ever looked at him with such pride before, not even his father.

That last thought comes with no end of bitterness, so he hastily squashes it down. Stray thoughts like these are just another reason he needs to get rid of Lenny, fast.

"Mott, that was fantastic!" Lenny gushes, eyes shining. "You didn't even hesitate, you just fought them off like it was nothing! You sure are talented with this sort of thing, huh?"

"Obviously," he replies, shrugging. What noble's son wouldn't be able to do at least that much? Years of tutoring and training weren't wasted on nothing, after all. "And my name's not Mott."

"You weren't even a little scared," Lenny proclaims, still amazed. Flushing slightly, he sheepishly admits, "It sure spooked me, suddenly getting jumped like that. Hopefully our whole trip ain't full of scares like that."

Before Montgomery can remind him that they're tracking Zekrom, who is infinitesimally stronger than some petty bandit, a light pops on in his head. One insignifiant, uncoordinated surprise attack was enough to startle Lenny. What would a more serious, more intentional attempt do?

The gears start turning before he can stop them; not that he'd want to stop them anyway. If they're put in a dire situation, Lenny will get scared. If Lenny gets scared, he'll be hesitant to continue with their journey. Then, he might just resign himself off the mission. And just like that, Montgomery will be free!

It's a good plan. A really, really good plan, because he hardly has to do anything, he just has to wait for an opportunity to poke and prod at Lenny's fears. Which, shouldn't take long. How hard can it be to spook some clumsy, sheltered country boy?

Turns out, it doesn't take long at all. As they ascend the steep slope of the path they're on, a dull sound rumbles through the sky. Looking up, Montgomery sees heavy clouds culminating over their heads.

Lenny looks at the clouds with worry. "Looks like a storm is brewing. We oughta find someplace to take shelter."

"Shelter?" He says, incredulously. Facing Lenny with a grin, he states, "This is exactly what we're looking for."

Lenny regards him with equal parts confusion and reluctance. "What do you mean?"

Picking up his pace until he's practically charging up the hill, he calls over his shoulder, "We've gotta get in the middle of that storm; it could be Zekrom!"

It probably isn't. Most storm encounters with Zekrom happen in a flash of lightning; there's no warning. Chances are, this is just a regular old storm. He doubts Lenny knows that, so he's using it to his advantage.

Naturally, he's right. Lenny, anxious, asks, "You think so?"

"I don't think, I know," he declares, reaching the top of the hill. The storm rolls out across the land before them. Lenny eyes it nervously. "Come on, let's get in there."

He takes a bold step forward, but Lenny doesn't follow. Glancing back, he sees Lenny warily studying the sky, hesitant. He resists the urge to smirk. Easy as cake.

"Lenny, if this is too much for you, you can just say so," he assures oh-so-chivalrously. Lenny's eyes snap back to him. "I know hunting Zekrom can be pretty scary business. If you decide you don't want to do it anymore, I won't hold it against you."

Lenny swallows, staring at him. The seconds pass between them silently, the only sound being the distant growl of thunder. He can practically feel Lenny's nerves grow with the darkening clouds. Meanwhile, Montgomery is inwardly high-fiving himself. How did he not think about this earlier? This is going perfectly!

Just as he's starting to get comfortable in his triumphant throne, Lenny snatches his crown and says, "Actually, um. I'm fine. Let's go."

Montgomery stares at him, slack-jawed. Then, he quickly shuts his mouth.

"Awesome," he says through gritted teeth. "That's. So cool."

Maybe Lenny is going to be a little harder to scare than he thought. But no worries, no worries. He's got this.

He concludes, after two hours of trekking through the torrential rainstorm with Lenny still glued to his side, that he doesn't got this.