Everything

Sad

I am the epitome of sad, the sad person no one wants to be.
I'm a heartbroken depressed girl on her period, sitting at 3 am eating peanut butter and sipping some whiskey i "borrowed" from my dad (not enough to get me drunk tho, sadly) and considering self harm.

Shall i explain?

I am heartbroken because my crush, whom i've been texting with a bit and talking a little to in school has been kinda cold recently and hasn't responded to my latest text, i mean i already knew she wasn't lesbian so i don't even have a chance, but still. and my books are being stupid (pathetic reason? I know...)

I'm depressed because of reasons who needs an entirely own chapter.

I'm a girl because i identify as a girl
I have my period because i was born with a uterus and therefor cursed with periods.

I'm up at 3 am because i cant sleep cuz i feel like SHIT

I'm eating peanut butter because which non sane girl does not have that hidden in their room?

I'm sipping some whiskey because i'm trying to get used to the taste (which is horrible, don't drink whiskey)
I borrowed a like, small glass of whiskey from my dad because he had a open bottle in the fridge and wasn't home and who would not take some?
And yes i am aware me drinking whiskey is illegal

I'm considering self harm because the abstinence is really kicking in and i can't wear short sleeves because my scars so theres like no use to not do it anymore and i honestly feel so fucking shit for no reason right now like its super fucking pathetic.

I built a half a snowman earlier today (cause thats the mature thing) and when i tried to show it to my family, tv was more important, and like, i know they don't care about me but it always hurts so fucking much, like i will always try to get their approval because inside I'm just a lonely little girl who strongly regrets every single thing i've done today.

And cramps suck balls

Anyone got advise how to like, not kill myself over my pathetic-ness?

Huh, killing myself might not be such a bad idea...

Not today, not today, i hope...