Yellow

Yellow Stars

The sky is filled with stars shining right above us. The scenery was so beautiful...like her. She was like the stars. Shining so effortlessly. I could stare at her for the whole time but that would be too awkward and so I pulled away and resumed the star gazing.

"How come dead things are beautiful like the stars?" she curiously asked. 

I could only answer with a shrug as I have no concrete answer to her question. 

'Yeah, how come things like the stars are beautiful but mostly dead?' I questioned myself too.

We would always stargaze whenever we got the chance, it was one of her favorite things to do. She was always fascinated in astrology. She strongly believed that we had connections with the stars and planets. 

I find it funny how she looks so serious whenever she talked about one of her astrology shits. 

Her eyes gleaming with enthusiasm, the way her hands fidget when explaining things that matters to her, the corners of her lips rising upward as she talks and most importantly, I see her as a beam of sunshine that just lights up my world. 

But sadly............

 She was not mine to begin with.

She only saw me as a friend, a companion even but never a romantic partner. I asked her one time, here in the same spot what she thought about us if we ever became lovers. 

Her reply made my heart sank, "I never thought about it, I never saw you as a romantic partner. I like how we are. Platonic friends. No big drama to ever occur."  

By there I knew I never stood a chance, her decision was final and I also don't want to risk our friendship by confessing my feelings. 

What if I was just smitten? 

Infatuated? 

She really is the only opposite gender that I have known for years. 

Her sit shifted and now she looked at me. 

"Question: If I was already dead, would you miss me?" 

"What kind of worthless question is that? My answer will always be yes" I said. She smiled but this time it wasn't full like I was used to.

"Is there any problem?" She looked up at the stars again and for few minutes was silent and then she finally gave a nod. 

"Hey, did you remember that time when you asked me what I thought if we became involved in a romantic relationship?" She suddenly blurted. 

Why is it as if our minds are one? I reminisced that memory not too long just now.

"Yeah what about it?" 

"What If what I said last time was a lie because I didn't know how to answer?" She looked at me with meaning as If I already knew the answer.

But of course I didnt know the answer. She was as complex as a math equation. I can never guess the answer right.

"Then what would be your answer now if you knew?" I looked at her sincerely, hopes high up suddenly. Heart beating fast and suddenly I felt my vision circled, my hands and feet stiffen and I felt nervously cold. 

"We'd be great? I don't know. We know each other so well now and we kind of have our own world when we're together anyway." She said while smiling lazily and jokingly punched me in the arm.

"Why say this now?" I asked. 

Silence

She stayed quiet as if gathering the right words to say. I knew this look.