Soulful | Haikyuu!! Fic pt.2 | OC male POV |

19

So I got thr cigarettes...

But now I'm just staring at the alcohol...

The bottles of alcohol...

Kuroo's living with me so I should feel happier- And I do feel extremely happy that he's here!

...

But I keep on thinking he doesnt love me as much as he used to because he never wants to do the things we used to do and I'm different from what I was at the beginning of the relationship and I'm not what he bargained for- What if he's fallen out of love with me?!

I love him!

I'd give my life for him!

I want us to get married and move out together and have children! I've always said I'd never want children yet he somehow made me love children and made me want a family with him!

I start breathing a bit faster as I get into a panic and put three bottles of vodka into my trolley. "Hey Ki what's up?" I turn tonmy right quickly and freeze when I see Sugawara. "Uh- Hey."

"It's been a while!" He hugs me and I hug him back gladly. He sees the alcohol in the trolley and brings it up straight away as he stands back. "What's the alcohol in the trolley?"

"...The dads are having a party and me and Kuroo are taking Teru out to the soft play area."

"Aaahhhh. I've got to go grab some milk real quick but it was seeing you again! I'll message you and we can meet up at some point yeah?"

"Yeah..." He smiles before walking off and I quickly go and pay for everything before I bump into anyone else. I get in dads car and drive to car park in the forest hiking trail. Luckily it's just me here so I sit down on the car engine lid before lighting a cigarette and just staring at the vodka bottle.

I haven't drank in a while...

Do I really want to do this?

I mean how else would I deal with these feelings?

Kuroo hates me and he regrets moving in with me so how else am I-

I start unscrewing the lid like my life depends on it and shut my eyes tightly as tears run down.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop it~

I just need to go numb again.

Please.

Please~

I gulp down more and more vodka until it burns my throat and I turn to my side as I gag and cough. I shiver violently as I lay on my back and try to just calm down and numb myself as I smoke and continue drinking. Thirty minutes later and two bottles are empty and I'm sitting on the grass in front of the car with my back to the grill. Emotions of shame, guilt and hatred towards myself swirling around inside of me as I keep my face hidden in my knees with the full third bottle in my right hand. The lid off of it but it obviously has not been touched. "...Oreki..." My heart misses a beat when I hear Samuel and I start shivering again as I stay hidden. He sees the bottle and knows I haven't drank from it but sees the other two empty. He takes them all and puts the empty ones in the bin before pouring out the full bottle and throwing that one away as well. He sees me flinch at the loud sound and I squeeze my knees tighter. He walks back over to me and I flinch when he pats my head as well even though it was gentle. "Are you okay?"

...

"Ki?" He tries to move my head to see if I'm awake or not but I move my head away from him and nuzzle it back into my lap. He frowns and sits next to me before hugging me into his side and going on his phone. He messages Kuroo asking if something bad happened between us but he says nothing happened. If it wasnt for Sugawar he wouldn't have even known I picked up some alcohol. "Come on." I don't budge when he tries to gently help me up. So he scoops me up in his arms and sits me down in the back seat of his car. He sees the cigarettes and sighs as he chucks them in the bin as well. I just blank put as he drives and curl in a ball against the window as I shiver. "Oreki if you dont talk to me I'm going to have to take you to the hospital."

"I'm fine..." I speak weakly and he looks at me with a worried expression. He takes me to the hospital anyway and I feel a panic attack coming on as he drags me inside the death trap and makes me get checked up on. I'm shaking even more as I come out and just walk straight past him as I start walking. He gets in the car and drives next to me as he talks but I'm not listening to him. I see myself in a reflection of a shop window and freeze.

That's what I look like...?

I look...

I...

Tears well up as I look at the ground and walk down an alleyway so he can't follow me. "Ki just stop!" He walks after me and I stop walking at the dead end. "Please just come home and we can talk about this."

"I hate you..."

"That's okay... But hate me at home okay?" He hugs me into him and my breathing gets shakier and shakier until I finally let myself sob and start balling my eyes out into hia shoulder.

All of that time I spent stopping myself from drinking and all I got through without them and I ruined it~!

I ruined it because I'm disgusting and pathetic and I can't handle anything!!

...

He keeps his gun on him still doesn't he?

In a moment of stupidity I grab his gun as I hyperventilate and it goes off as he takes it from me as fast as possible. "Why is it so hard-? I don't understand- Why cant I be normal~?!!" My head starts going fuzzy as I run out breath and he tries to speak but I cant hear him as I lean against the brick wall weakly. "I don't get it~" He holds me quickly when he sees my eyes shut and takes me straight back to the hospital but this time they keep me in overnight.