mine first

•5•

"Just do these and I'll be back."

"Don't go," he complains.

I stand up from my chair and I kiss him on the forehead. I've decided to be really bold. I don't know what we are or if we ever will be anything, but I don't care. I'm going to do what I please, "I need to talk to your sister about something. I won't be long."

"You better not be," he says.

"Those problems better be done before I get back," I say pointing my finger at him.

"Yes, ma'am."

I walk away from the kitchen table and I start to walk to Jennie's room. She hasn't came out of her room yet today. Brandon doesn't know why, but she won't talk to him.

My plan to talk to her today was a perfect idea, but I'm hoping she will actually talk to me. I'm not sure if she will because she doesn't open up much, but it's worth a try.

I knock on her door two times, "Go away, Brandon!"

"It's Nataile," I say. "Can I come in?"

I hear a bit of moving around in her room for about a minute. It sounds like she has been crying so she is probably trying to make it look like she hasn't been.

The door finally opens a bit, so I walk in. Her room is completely dark and it smells awful. It smells like she hasn't left for months.

"Can I turn the lights on?"

"Sure," she whispers.

I turn the lights on and I start to look around at her room. It's really messy. There is clothes everywhere and food laying around everywhere. I can tell she never leaves or cleans anything up.

That's what happens when you are depressed though. I went through the same thing. You never shower or sleep. You either eat tons or not at all. You'll never have the motivation to clean anything or get out of bed. I know how she feels. This is normal for depression.

"So what's up?" She asks. "Is dinner ready or something?"

"No," I say. "Do you mind if I sit?"

"I don't care," she says. I sit down next to her on her bed. As I look at her I see how puffy her eyes are and that she has stained cheeks from her tears. She has definitely been crying all day long.

"I wanted to talk," I say. "I know how hard things can get and I wanted to talk to you about it. You don't seem to have anyone. I know you have Brandon and he would do anything for you, but he's a boy. He doesn't get it like I would."

"Yea," she whispers. "He doesn't get it."

"That's why I'm here," I say. "How about you listen to my story and then you can tell me about yours. I'm not going to judge or tell anyone. I'm here for you."

She nods her head, "Okay."

"Well I don't really know what's going on in your life," I start off saying, "But I'm sure I know how you feel. When I was a young teenager I was super depressed. I had very bad anxiety and I felt like I had nobody to talk to."

"That's how I feel," she says.

"It's hard. You feel like there is a hole in your chest, but there really isn't. My mom died when I was young and that's one of the reasons I became depressed. I was always bullied in middle school and I had no friends. Nobody talked to me and my dad hated me. I felt like my whole life was over. I didn't know what to do."

"How'd you get through it?"

I shrug my shoulders, "I just did. I watched a lot of documentaries on suicide. It made me realize that taking my own life isn't worth it. I realized that my problems were only temporary, but suicide would be permanent. After I realized that I started to feel better. I started to look at things with a positive attitude and everything started to get better even if I didn't have friends or family by my side. I did it by myself which is okay."