Empty.

January 11th.

Empty. That's how I feel.

I used to feel pain and hurt, but now, I'm not sure if I care anymore, I would rather be anywhere but here. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know why I'm living.

I drag my feet through the thick snow. I'm alone on this cold road, except I'm not alone, my thoughts surround me like the snow surrounds the land, thick and heavy, not easy to make it go away. It's a Sunday, I've just been to the post office to get some bread, not that I will eat it anyway but mum asked me to. It's so cold outside, the snow is so thick now, and it's still falling heavily, oh well, my house is only a few minutes away now.

I push open the door with both hands, it takes practically all my strength. Once I'm inside I pull of my bobble hat, my gloves and my scarf. I scrape my hair up into a rough messy ponytail. I stand and watch myself in the mirror for about a second, I instantly feel awful and run downstairs to my room. I climb into my warm bed and grab my laptop and phone and start watching Pretty Little Liars on netflix and scrolling through instagram and tumblr. I do this for hours until I hear mum shout from the kitchen.

"Hallie! Tea's ready" She calls.

"I'm not hungry mum" I shout back.

"You have to eat something"

"I feel sick, I'll get something later" I reply, same thing I always say, I'm just waiting for when later will come.

I remember I have a maths test tomorrow so I decide to start flicking through my maths book, not properly concentrating. I can't really ever concentrate anymore. I mean why do I even bother trying, it's about 99.9% guarenteed that I'm going to fail anyway. My phone bleeps, I have a text from my friend Mia, I click read. "I know your upset and you don't want to hear this but I understand and it will get better". I practically scream inside my head and throw my phone down. I hate it when people say that, no one understands, I don't understand myself. I don't know how I feel so other people can't possibly know. I used to tell Mia everything, how I was feeling, if someone had said something. Now we barely talk. I don't know what to say to her. She doesn't seem to want to talk to me either. Everyone that knows what's going on with me and what's happened acts like I'm a piece of glass that could break any minute. I'm fed up of it. I go back to my maths revision and try concentrate as best as possible.

After about an hour of staring blankly at the page trying to make the words somehow make sense to me, I decide to give up. I've been in a such a bad mood all day, I don't know what to do now. I decide to go have a shower and wash my hair.

Once I get out the shower I pull my pjamas on quickly and jump into bed. I glance down at my arm covered scars and bruises and instantly feel bad. It's going to end up happening again. I search netlfix on google and find American Horror Story and start to play the next episode. I grab my school bad and tip out the contents and search through the pile of things until I find what I'm looking for. I find it and start using it. I stay like this for hours, until mum tells me it's time for bed.

I curl up under the sheets alone with my thoughts. I over think things way to much and end up crying the whole night, like every other day, I get no sleep.