Anxiety is one of the most popular mental disorder in the United state.
Separation Anxiety Disorder.
Specific Phobia.
Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia)
Panic Disorder.
Agoraphobia.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Obsessive compulsive disorder(OCD).
I tend to overthink every little thing I've done or seen. My mind goes crazy, one second it's North then it's south all of a sudden it's west it drives me mad.
Have you ever woken up and can't breathe and feel as if the world is closing in on you, like your falling and falling and falling, and you never stop but all you want is to just hit the ground.
No matter how hard you try it won't end not today not tomorrow. I think and think and think of everything, if it exists then I've though of it and it troubles me because the little voices in my head talking all at once and I can't choose who to listen too.
"Your better off dead if you ask me"
"You can't even do a simple task"
"It's going to be okay"
"Why not just end it all yourself"
"Just breath"
"Ask for help it's okay"
"I can't take the pain anymore"
"Make it stop please"
"Help me"
"Help"
Over and over and over you hear them all at once talking and it drives you crazy.
I'm scared of others thoughts of me, I'm scared of what they think and it bothers me so much "she thinks your ugly and so does he"
If someone whispers I automatically think their talking about me if someone laughs I think their laughing at me "look their laughing at you"I feel paranoid but I can't help it. I can't text someone without overthinking about it "I'm such a pussy"Someone once's told me something that I think about till this day they said "Your problem is that nobody hates you more then you do" and I believed them because it's true.
"Your pathetic"
"Your stupid"
"You don't deserve to live"
"Do it just kill yourself already"
"Do it"
"DO IT"
My head hurts so bad, I feel like shit but that's just because I am shit. I hate who I am I've wondered and asked god why he made me.
I've gone to church but the more I go the more I think and I'm afraid to go back because I'm afraid of being judge.
I've gotten on my knees and prayed my heart out to god and I've gotten no answer but I believe his got my answer maybe I'm just not ready to hear it.
I'm only 17 and I feel like I'm 60 years old, I've tore myself apart so much that I feel tired all the time. I want to ask for help but no one would understand so I say I'm fine when deep down I just wanna jump off of a cliff. The only person I've ever spoke of my feelings to is God because his the only one who understands, I know god is real because I've been to hell and danced with the devil himself and I've come back from hell because of gods help.
"I BELIEVE ITS THE DEVILS FAULT"
The devil has harassed me in my dreams haunting me taunting me playing mind games on me wanting me to just give in to him.
I've wondered what would happen if I wasn't around tomorrow or the day after, I wonder would life just go on like nothing happened.
I've thought about it, about just disappearing maybe leaving a letter, or maybe not. They say "do it" over and over again, one day I just might.
"DO IT"
TBC~
