It Should Have Been Him

Chapter 16

Now

Things couldn't have been worse. I'm so stupid, only an idiot would go to someone else's house and stand outside, trying to look inside like a stalker. I was acting like Katherine. Except I didn't follow Bryan home, I just showed up at his house, which in some ways, was worse.

The worst part is, I didn't get my answer, I still don't know if Katherine and Bryan live together. I can't ask Katherine either because I'm mad at her too. I shouldn't have come back here. I should have said no to my mom when she asked me to come for the funeral. I didn't even know my aunt, there's no point in being surrounded by people who are upset and sulking about someone being dead if I didn't even know the damn person.

I pull into a spot at the mall and get out of my car, slamming the door shut and locking it with my keys. It's not until I put the keys back into my pocket that I realize my hands are shaking. I don't know how to make them stop, so I shove them in my pockets.

I don't know exactly what I'm doing at the mall, so, I roam around getting a coffee from a Starbucks on the main floor, then take the elevator back up to the top floor where I go into Old Navy where I stare in a daze at a sweater that I don't even like. I sit on a chair in the mall and scroll through my phone. I don't know how many hours go by, but I sit there for quite a while, just scrolling through Buzzfeed articles about celebrity tweets. Every now and then I laugh at a tweet and shake my head at the rest. That's how I planned on spending the rest of the evening until a speaker through the PA system says that the mall is closing in 15 minutes. I sigh and get up. I head back downstairs to Starbucks again for another coffee, after I grab it, I walk back to my car from the outside, just taking in the cold night air. I unlock my car, the thought of sleep taking over my body.

Once I pull up to the driveway, I knock on the door, a few seconds later, my mom answers it again. This time, she's in her pink silk bathrobe. I hate to say it, but she really does look like a rich housewife, even if she's not technically a wife.

"Where were you?" she asks. She doesn't sound mad, or worried, she just sounds genuinely curious.

"I just had some stuff to take care of." I walk past her and head up the stairs.

"You missed dinner," she calls out as I get to the landing.

"I'll have dinner with you tomorrow," I lie. I go into my room and close the door. I brush my teeth and change into shorts and another sweater. I turn the lights out and crawl into bed. I let my head hit the pillow with a thump. After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, I turn my head to look out the window, the waves crash against the shore, and I look further to see that they're also crashing against the cliff. I shut my eyes tight, trying to push any memories out of my head.

I can't take it.

I get up, and drop the blinds. They slam against the window pane, with a bang, distinguishing my anger a tiny bit.

I hate the ocean.