Horrid Nightmares (A Ticci Toby Fanfic)

Feeling Abandoned

    
×Attempted Suicide and Self harm warning×
   
      It had been a week and they still weren't back, I just laid there on the living room floor as nothing happened around me. I wondered what they had to secure or if they would be finished anytimw soon, making me sigh and look around the empty and lonely room. Then something in the back of my mind hit me like a truck, why hadn't I realized this before. I guess I was just anticipating them coming back so much, but now it was clear, they weren't coming back cuz they didn't want to see me anymore. They probably got annoyed with me and decided to leave, i.... I'm so stupid for not thinking about this sooner, and that maybe I could actually get along with either of them that they would care! Or even like me to begin with, I should've took a hint from all the times masky has called me a pest and annoying when most of the time I don't even mean to be! I dont mean to get in the way or make weird noises while twitching or making small ticks and cracks from my tourettes... I start to bawl as I look down at my hands that were healing thanks to hoodie treating them and bandaging them up, he cared, he dropped what he was doing to help me and he even...

        I place my fingers to my lips as more and more tears poured down my face, he took my first kiss... and it felt so nice the way he touched and rubbed against me made me feel actually loved for the first time in a long time. I hadn't really ate since they left, normally they make food and I just help clean up after, as best I can I mean, so I was feeling really sluggish and all this crying was probably making the fact that I was dehydrated worse... I should just end this and get the pain an suffering to just stop, I just grab the back of the couch pulling myself up. Wobbling alot as I just stumble and head for the kitchen, falling into the door as I push it open and walk up to the counter while placing my damaged hands upon the cool surface. I look to the knife block and slide my hand over to the decent sized steak knife and pulled it out, I looked down at it as I start to think of anything to live for, anything to care about or consider something that I'd wanna do in my life....

        ....and ended up with nothing. I take a breath through teeth making a hissing noise as I brought the knife up to my left wrist pulling up my sleeve and pressing the cold steel blade to my gray and sickly looking skin. I dig the sharp edge into my wrist watching it pierce the veins, pushing it deeper into my wrist watching blood bubble and drip down the side, I smile as my vision is blurred by more and more tears, I begin to slice up my arm watching as blood began to pool around the counter top. I laugh softly as I look at all the slices and Mark's on my arm, my arm now red and stained with my own blood, lately it had been stained with others blood, I deserve this I'm no better than all the other wretched souls.... how come I get to choose who lives or dies. I'm not special, I cut up the remaining places on my left arm watching at the skin is practically not there anymore, I begin to laugh more as I move to the other arm, as my left hand makes uneven and strange cuts as my hand shakes and twitches at the lack of blood.

      My other arm was now bleeding onto the counter top as my body began to feel like it was heating up, i slide my arms off the counter and hear the blood dripping onto the kitchen floor i drag my feet with me out of the kitchen, down the hall and  into the bathroom. Where i collapsed onto the floor, my vision was now going in and out unlike earlier when it was from tears now it was just here and there, I crawl to the bathtub and bring my hand up and slowly turn the bath on. I keep turning the knob as Freezing cold water pours into the bath, I plug the bath and then turn on the shower, the cold water now pouring into the half filled bath, I push my self up with my shaky and week arms. I lift my legs up and climb up the side of the bathtub watching as my blood rolls down the sides if the tub as I slip and fall into the icy cold water, the water crashing and spilling over the sides around me.

     I lay back in the bath as my body is engulfed by the waves, as the bath gets fuller and fuller, at least I'm not burning up anymore I think as I slip under the water, seeing streams of red pollute the surface water as blood turns the water surrounding me into a dark crimson. I feel my twitches die down and my need for air starts to slowly fade, my body heavy as I feel my back press to the bottom of the bath. The bath now overflowing over the end and spilling onto the bathroom floor, the clothes around my body hugging me tight as my vision starts to slowly fade, finally after all the bullying, abuse, abandonment, torture, loneliness and betrayal. It'll finally stop and I'll be able to be at peace... My vision goes black as I feel as if I'm floating. And then I'm out but not all the way, I feel cold and air hitting my skin and screaming off in the distance panicked voices and hands touching all over my body, it almost felt nice as I then blacked out completely into a dreamless sleep.